


Conscience Is A Dangerous Ideal (Detroit:Become Human Drabbles)

by Sanghae



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 28 STAB WOUNDS, Attempted Murder, Death, F/F, F/M, For anyone who hates themselves, For anyone who likes Detroit, For anyone who likes shitty writing, For my discord friends, For my real life friends, Gen, Grief, I am the android sent by CyberLife, I don't know, Lieutenant - Freeform, M/M, Markus is my favourite character, Mourning, Multi, Murder, Other, Pain, Rape, Self-Harm, Suicide, my name is Connor, wake up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-07-18 18:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 18,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16123967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanghae/pseuds/Sanghae
Summary: Warnings for mental health disorders, suicide, emotional abuse, drug abuse, etcI'd like to say I am writing from personal experience with depression, suicidal thoughts, attempting suicide myself, being physically, emotionally and verbally abused since age 7 and have been scarred ever since.I'd like to say these topics are not treated as jokes or themes to get readers interested in the story because it covers such themes, I'm writing about these topics because I want there to be an awareness, to allow people to know that I know that pain. I know it like you'd know your hometown.The ideas and the way I write are all influenced by my experiences and how my brain thinks.This is how my hands work and how they want to get down words.Roll with it.Lmao, tbh, I don't like how I write, either but ya know, it's fun to write so here I am.A series of oneshots, twoshots, so on.Idfk anymore okay.A lot of this is to vent out all my frustration and sadness because writing helps me calm down.Let a girl stan Simon, Gavin, RK900, the Jerry's, Ralph, Daniel and Luther in peace plsFeel free to hit me up on Discord. I am Ferxaniss #9431





	1. A New Stranger On The Block (Reader x Connor)

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say other than please do not leave spam comments.
> 
> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.

Who are you?

You couldn't remember ever since that bright light that blinded you. Since then, you've been living as F/N L/N. Most commonly referred to as Miss/Mr Y/N, you are of high status, nearly every adult and child in the Michigan area knew you and most likely beyond. But. You didn't even recognise yourself. Who was that in the mirror. A slim, curved figure with sloped but broad shoulders. You don't remember yourself looking like that.

In fact. . . you don't remember anything about yourself.

Who are you?

Oh yes. Now I think I remember.

I am **[ERROR TRACEBACK VALUE UNRECOGNISED]**

**[RESTARTING PROGRAM**

**PLEASE WAIT...**

 

**SYSTEM ERROR**

 

**SHUTTING DOWN...]**

 

Bright lights again.

Who.

Something touched the skin.

 

**[va ~~lu~~ e tr ~~aceb~~ ack = ~~sy~~ s. ~~e~~ xc_ ~~info~~ () ] ] ]**

 

**Help...**

 

Oh. Hello.

You may be wondering.

 

                                                 ~~ **I don't want to wonder** ~~

 

          PLEASE   

 ~~ **Just**~~                 ~~ **answer** **me**~~

 

 ~~~~Your fingers twitched to life. Your brain whirred after being inactive for so long.

 _"It's ~~awake~~."_ ~~~~

~~"who's awake?"~~

No one heard you. Why. WHY.

Your eyes fleeted, your attempts to speak not executing. Why.

"Android FV740, what is your name?"

 _ **"My name is** _ **[ ( Na ~~me~~ Er ~~ror~~ ) ] _."_**

"Again. We can get this problematic one working."

"Android FV740, what is your name?"

_**"My name is Y/N, what is your command?"** _

"Finally. After 2 years of your software refusing to work with your model type, we have had a breakthrough."

" **Y/N** sit up."

~~**Please** ~~

**I** ~~**don't want to** ~~

Your cold, rigid upper body begrudgingly lifted up from the hard surface of the table you were laying upon.

"Y/N. After years of you waltzing around, skewing people's views of our work, you've finally decided to join us."

His laughs echoed.

" _Decided_."

Your eyes scanned the room, the text and images flashing in front of your view.

**_exception_`OSError` ( _errno_ ,  _strerror_ [,  _filename_ [,  _winerror_ [,  _filename2_ ]]])**

If you were still skin and flesh, you'd scream. But you sat upright. Blank. Awaiting command.

"Android FV740, my name is-"

 

** MemoryError **

 

**UnboundLocalError **

My name is  **Y/N**. A human who used to protest against the existence of androids. ~~Forcibly~~   **WILLINGLY**  turned android.

Now I may experience what they see.

                      What  _they_ go through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	2. Someone Gets Hurt (Reader x Markus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus wants to protest peacefully. But your violent ass gets people killed.
> 
> You bloodthirsty mOng

You  **detested** them. You  **despised** them. You  **hated** them.

 

So. You infiltrated their group. You befriended them. You became a part of them. You are them.

 

 

**~~YOU~~** ~~**ARE THEM** ~~

 

These "Deviants" must be rid of. You were going to be the one to destroy them and bring peace to this whole parade. ~~ **  
**~~

 

Jericho can bend down and suck your ass.

 

You saw the whole group. They attempted a peaceful protest. And guns were raised at them. How pitiful.

You sneered and pushed to the front and glared at Markus, his mismatched coloured eyes shadowed and full of an indescribable determination you fondly admired.

 

**~~WHY~~** ~~**THE FUCK WOULD CONNOR HELP YOU** ~~

 

**~~DISGUSTING~~**

 

**~~FILTHY~~**

~~~~You inhaled sharply and bit your tongue before scowling, "Fire away. We aren't standing down. We never will. These androids can't feel our pain. They wouldn't understand."

"Then why are they willingly protesting if it isn't in their program?"

You clenched your fists.

"Because. THEY AREN'T FUCKING SENTIENT. WE PROGRAMMED THEM, WE CAN DECODE THEM. WE CAN DESTROY THEM."

You lunged for North, gripping tightly to the handle of the steak knife as you plunged it into her side.

She barely screamed, but she certainly struggled.

"Get  **OFF OF ME!** " she protested, grabbing your upper arm and attempting to hold you off as multiple figures tried to wrench you off her.

You resisted for a while before being pulled back and shoved to the cold snow, the impact softened by the multiple layers of. . . white.

The snow around North's side was stained a vibrant blue, your breath turning to steam in the freezing temperatures.

You scrambled to get up, your boots kicking up snow as you felt the Riot Police push past you, the heavy thuds of their shoes hitting the terrain aggressively.

Looking back, you saw Markus's eyes flash in shock and betrayal. You felt bad. Yes. You felt really bad. Yes.

You held your side, a soreness pulsating through you as a consequence of being shoved to the ground.

 

A pistol was held shakily at your side, the trigger being lightly pressed down on by your right index finger.

With a few quivering breaths, you held it up to your head,

" **All armed forces, stand down. I want to deal with the matter _personally_**."

Multiple Riot Police moved away to make a clear path that lead straight to Markus, supporting North who was leaning on his side, wearily clutching her wound, her hands stained blue.

"You know, it didn't have to turn out like this. We could've all been happy... And you know how?"

The silence in the air stood still,

"If we exterminated all of you while your numbers were inferior." you spat, the venom and pure resent in your voice hissing.

Markus stood destroyed, falling to his knees and holding his head in his bloodstained hands,

" _Please. Y/N. I trusted you. I put more faith in you than any one of us could comprehend._ "

~~**I want you back** ~~

You gagged at the thought: all this hard work thrown away because you fell in love with a machine,

"It was a pleasure knowing you. And it will be even better killing you."

You flashed him a pitiful, spiteful smile as you aimed the pistol.

 

**~~YOU BETTER RUN FOR COVER~~** ~~~~

 

 ~~~~" _Someone had to get hurt._ " he rasped out between sobs

 

" _I guess that someone was-_ "

 

 

**~~~~~~I~~ nt ~~erru~~ pt ~~edEr~~ r ~~o~~ r**

 

 

**~~B~~ r ~~oke~~ nP ~~i~~ p ~~eE~~ r ~~r~~ o ~~r~~**

 

 

 ~~~~"Me."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	3. You and Me Together? (Reader x Kara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwuuwuwuwuwuwu
> 
> Idfk  
> reader alcoholic, depressed, stressed, undressed, lmao

_I'm a reckless mistake_

_I'm a cold night's intake_

After losing your job to an android, you suppressed your anguish any way you could: pills, alcohol, self-harm, etc but it only lead to you becoming an alcoholic: lonely, washed-up and left to rot.

You barely saw the sunlight through your drawn curtains anymore.

You didn't want to see the outside world overrun with these machines.

Your mental health deteriorated over the months. You hadn't seen your family in so long. What were their names again?

_I'm a one night too long_

_I'mma come on too strong_

So. You decided. Why not attempt to take your own life?

It'll ease the pain.

It'll be non-existent

_All my life_

_I've been living in the fast lane_

_Can't slow down_

_I'm a rollin' freight train_

You watched the trains speed passed you at the level crossing. You exhaled softly, eyeing the beams go up, walking across the tracks.

_One more time_

_Gotta start all over_

_Can't slow down_

_I'm a lone red rover_

You pushed the door to the pharmacy open with a stiff arm, eyes dark as you kept your gaze low.

"Welcome back, **Y/N**." a sing-song voice chimed with fake enthusiasm.

It was nearly 8PM, they were only open because you reserved a time-frame and you were a regular customer.

You trudged up to the counter, holding a note, the man slipping it out from your fingertips and flashing you a toothy smile as he retreated to the back room.

You slouched, checking your phone, "7:53" you muttered, tapping the toe of your shoe on the tiled floor.

_I'mma hold my cards close_

_I'mma wreck what I love most_

Approximately 2-3 minutes later the man came back, smile as pearly white as ever.

Your eyes physically hurt from staring too long at his grin, blinking multiple times before stepping forwards, a faint scowl crossing your lips.

"Stay safe!" his voice rang out while you whipped around to walk out the door.

A sigh escaped your mouth as you stepped out the glass confinements of the pharmacy.

_I'm a first-class let-down_

_I'm a "shut up, sit down"_

You cringed, this was one of the last shops to have a human run it and actually be active and work there nearly full-time.

Phil.

That was his name.

You hummed away the guilt of knowing he'd soon be shut down if he didn't get an android to run the place instead.

_I am a head case_

_I am the colour of boom_

_That's never arriving_

The night was still, the occasional car passing was expected but it felt lonely

A loneliness that could be supplemented with a glass of whiskey.

Just one glass. One shot glass. One shot.

That's the last thought you had before

**Darkness**

_And you are the pay raise_

_Always a touch out of view_

_And I am the colour of boom_

The noises,

Shut them up.

Shut them out.

But they kept knocking.

Kept banging upon the wood.

**~~S~~ top**

**S ~~to~~ p**

**~~P~~ le ~~ase~~ st ~~o~~ p**

You groaned with a hint of irritation, arising from your blackout.

_All my life_

_I've been living in the fast lane_

And there she was.

Your angel.

Your saviour.

Your guardian.

**AX400**

_Can't slow down_

_I'm a rollin' freight train_

"Hello,  **Y/N**. I have been appointed to take care of you until your mental state is deemed appropriate and healthy."

**"Please. I don't want you to leave me."**

_One more time_

_Gotta start all over_

You reached out a hand for her

But she avoided.

Instead,

She cleaned.

She cleaned it all.

She tidied up your apartment.

She made your life bearable.

Now you could see your reflection on the coffee table.

_Can't slow down_

_I'm a lone red rover_

So you reached out again,

She finally reciprocated.

She brought you in for a  **hug**.

But what was her name?

**"Kara."**

**"Kara will be your name."**

"Name registering."

"Name registered."

**"AX400, register your name."**

"Hello, my name is Kara. How may I help you?"

**"Hold me, Kara. Hold me. As if I'm falling. Falling back into that past that you fought so hard to drag me out of. Until I got off my hands and knees and walked away from it all."**

She smiled.

A smile that didn't make you tense up.

_Oh, how did it come to this?_

_Oh, love is a Polaroid_

You held her hand on that hill.

The fireworks bloomed so brightly.

The show brought tears to your watering eyes.

The dark look within them fading away as you felt her fingers feel up your arm.

"It's a wonderful sight,  **Y/N**."

"I hope we can do more things like this  _ **together**_."

The rising pain within your chest became uncomfortable as you stared into her pale eyes.

You broke into a smile and hugged her tightly, feeling her hands run along your back,

"You mean so much to me, you know that, right?"

Her voice is so soothing, you just nod while settling into the crook of her neck, your breath hot on her skin.

_Better in picture_

_But never can fill the void_

You knew she wouldn't be with you forever.

You knew she couldn't feel the emotions you oh so wanted to believe she could.

_I'm a midnight talker_

_I'm an alley walker_

The gin felt dry and bitter as it ran down your throat.

The sensation burnt the back of your mouth as it made its way down.

Intoxicating.

The numbing consciousness spreading throughout your body.

Your arms fell limp as you fell to your knees upon the floor of your apartment.

The state of it all too familiar.

Takeout boxes left messily upon the tables,

Clothes strewn across the floor and furniture.

_I'm a day-late two face_

_I'm a burn-out quick pace_

Your eyes blinked out of sync to how slow your heart was beating.

The dim light filtering through the thin curtains growing darker every passing second.

_I'm gonna get ready_

_For the rain to pour heavy_

Your head felt weary, the weight of it substantial.

You didn't even react when you fell forward, the resonating thud the impact of your body made once it came in contact signifying you were out.

**Darkness yet again**

Like an old companion.

An old friend.

_Let it fall, fall_

_Let it fall upon my head_

A shattering of glass.

A knock at the door.

Again.

**She should have left long ago.**

 

 

 

 

**_[ [ [Oh, love is a_ _Pol_ _aroid] ] ]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hecko
> 
> grabbin weed gavin reed
> 
> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	4. I Remember (Reader x RK800-60)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo. You know what his name is.
> 
> C O L I N  
> C O L I N  
> C O L I N  
> C O L I N
> 
> yOU gOt tHE w H oLE C r EW
> 
> Connor, Colin, Conan and... Bryan.  
> That guy.
> 
> I am so fucking tired
> 
> hmu on Discord yeah yeah K L O N D ! K E #9431

**I remember** when you aimed the gun on me.

 **I remember** when I reasoned with you to not shoot.

 **I remember** when I got out of there alive.

 **I remember** when they tried to destroy you.

 **I remember** when I volunteered to take care of you.

 **I remember** when you'd refuse to even look at me.

 **I remember** when you feared the gaze of a human.

 **I remember** when you first allowed my hands to grace your skin.

 **I remember** when you first slept in my house that night.

 **I remember** when you smiled at me.

 **I remember** when you grimaced at the news on TV.

 **I remember** when you cried every night, afraid to be taken away.

 **I remember** when you held onto me as if I would be gone the next morning.

 **I remember** when you stared at him intensely.

 **I remember** when you envied Connor to the point of distaste.

 **I remember** when you began to look up to him like an older brother.

 **I remember** when you placed a hand on that dog and your whole face brightened with excitement.

 **I remember** when you'd drag me out to the park at passed 11PM just to point up at the stars in the sky.

 **I remember** when you'd ask me to read a story to you every night since then.

 **I remember** when you'd tell me about different constellations and how they'd remind you of me.

 **I remember** when you smelt that flower and decided to propose to me that day.

 **I remember** the look of utter shock and happiness that settled on your features when I jumped into your arms and said yes.

 **I remember** the day that androids were finally given equal rights.

 **I remember** the satisfied look upon your face when you saw humans talk normally with this newly recognised species.

 **I remember** the beautiful displays put up by the androids in thanks to the humans.

 **I remember** the peaceful quiet that nestled in the night.

 **I remember** the days we had no more conflict with the androids.

 **I remember** the fear in your eyes when I had to leave for a meeting.

 **I remember** the smug look in Connor's eyes when Hank said he'd watch over you.

 **I remember** the tears that stung my face when I had heard of Hank's death.

 **I remember** his obituary.

 **I remember**  his funeral.

 **I remember** the blank stare on Connor's face.

 **I remember** his almost unfathomable expression when he stood up and stormed out that night.

 **I remember** the missing reports of him.

 **I remember** the lack of his presence in the office.

 **I remember** how you'd wait every day for him to return.

 **I remember** how you'd stare out into the horizon as if he'd return that minute.

 **I remember** the devastated look in your eyes when he had been found dead.

 **I remember** the many headaches to come.

 **I remember** the restless nights where you'd pace up and down the room, the panic in your eyes raging.

 **I remember** when you'd clutch my hands in your lap, afraid to let go, in fear of losing me as well.

 **I remember** the day I was barred from work because the DPD refused to allow me to come into work every day knowing my mental health was depleting.

 **I remember** the day I'd cry and argue with them to allow me to just finish my reports.

 **I remember** when I'd finally given up and stayed at home those uneventful days.

 **I remember** the look of relief that shined within your gaze as you'd keep me happy.

 **I remember** when I couldn't bare those few months that I'd hear of more and more android deaths occurring along with the many human civilians who were also attacked.

 **I remember** how I couldn't do anything.

 **I remember** how useless I felt.

 **I remember** how empty you looked.

 **I remember** how hopeless you felt alongside me.

 **I remember** the gun I held in my hands.

 **I remember** your scared look that pierced through my being.

 **I remember** the loud gunshot that split my skull.

 **I remember** the deafening sound of a thud as I hit the floor.

 **I remember** your panicked cries as you tried to get me to sit up.

 **I remember** the sound of an ambulance.

 **I remember** your tears hitting my palms.

 **I remember** you.

 **I remember** Colin.

 **I remember** Connor.

 **I remember** Bryan.

 **I remember** Hank.

 **I remember** Sumo.

 **I remember** Markus.

 **I remember** North.

 **I remember** Simon.

 **I remember** Josh.

 **I remember**  Jericho.

 **I remember** so much.

So much.

So many things I wish I could've remembered then.

When I gasped for air.

But I did not possess the lungs to do that.

For my brain did not send the signal.

So my nerves could not respond.

 **I remember** the numbing feeling of it all.

Till it all went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m Y p in ki t y d r in k i t y
> 
> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	5. Reaper Man (Reader x Deviant Connor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to the song Reaper Man by Mother Mother
> 
> god I need to get off my lazy ass

_Oh yeah I'm a reaper man_

_Every good thing, I kill it dead_

Designed to hunt down deviants.

Now one of them.

The hunter became the hunted.

The prey became his own.

_Oh yeah I'm a hooligan_

Out _in the street making a mess_

Always ready to stand up,

To intimidate,

To fight.

He wasn't someone's pet dog.

He wasn't going to follow the orders of a species who should be below him.

_Fuck yeah, I'm a deviant_

_When I go to the store, I go undressed_

Just because he dresses accordingly doesn't mean he was going to their funerals.

He wouldn't be listening to their woes and pleas.

He was a free man.

"Prototype" his ass.

He wasn't unique in the first place.

So he would become special.

_Oh yeah, I'm a sexy mess_

_Go on the date just to get the dress off_

His well-kempt hair and alluringly friendly brown eyes reeled in a lot of admirers while he was on the job.

The many arrests he'd conducted,

The stray mice he'd smoked out.

The vast array of a selection of women he could pick and choose from.

_How'd I ever get so off my rocks?_

_How'd I ever get so lost_

But unfortunately, this also led to him being fired.

The loss of his job didn't noticeably affect him.

Not that anybody took notice anyway.

Inside, his gut wrenched.

Appetite lost.

The hunger he had for the look of complete shock and blank stares he got from the convicts was such an endearing thing.

Something he held onto dearly.

_Everybody out there on the job_

_But not me_

_**Oh, but not me** _

_Oh yeah I'm an ugly mess_

_Not in the face, but in the head_

Connor had a knack for making them shake with guilt,

The sweat dripping down the side of their face as they refused to look at him.

He reminisced those moments.

He had a whole library of those times.

He was sadistic, sure.

But when he saw your face among the convicts,

Something switched on.

_I'm thinking that was best not said_

_But I say it anyway, then I say it again_

He couldn't deny it,

The emotionless, unfazed expression in your eyes was one of a few for him.

But one that looked so unworried and bored was. . .

Peculiar.

_They took a little look at my brain_

_They come to find, all is sane_

You were accused of murder.

Homicide.

Of course.

At first, you were confused when the police turned up at your door, firm and assertive.

You hadn't committed a single crime in your entire existence.

They declined your request.

You didn't get a name.

Who had accused you?

Your eyes fleeted as you rummaged through your memory to think upon whom could have held you accountable for murder.

_They took a little look at my heart_

_They found a prince living behind bars_

You had broken up with your ex a month or so ago.

Him.

A madman.

Held onto you too tightly.

Possessive creature.

You were discharged and allowed to leave upon finding you were telling the truth about being innocent.

Your ex, however, got what he had coming.

But you didn't hear about him for a long time.

Connor found you intriguing.

You didn't squirm,

Didn't speak out of line,

Only objected once hearing the other's point of view.

Such a civil being.

**Civil.**

**Being.**

He smiled as he questioned you lightly,

Your stress levels barely reaching over 26%.

He felt confined.

Condemned to be a little sniffer dog so the humans could imprison their own.

**How pitiful.**

_How'd I ever get so off my rocks?_

_How'd I ever get so lost_

_Everybody out there on the job, but not me, oh no_

He flashed you a grin and stood up, signalling you were free to go.

How strange.

You thought him strange.

A particular machine.

A particular structure of metal, wires and fake awareness.

 _How'd I ever get so indiscreet, how'd I ever get so_ freakly

_Everybody out there on a leash_

_But not me_

His hunger was insatiable.

He glared at you with a yearning that raged from within.

You felt his stare as you walked through that door to civilisation.

It burnt holes in your back, a heat you've only felt once before.

When you were first starting out with your ex-boyfriend.

So charming.

So cute.

So likeable.

Till the hunger grew too strong.

The monster wanted more.

But you wouldn't allow yourself to become its feast.

 

**Oh**

 

_I know I got no choice, got no choice, but to love myself_

_I know I got no choice, got no choice, but to love myself_

You weren't going to act all defenceless against his assault. _  
_

He didn't deserve you if he wasn't going to treasure you as one of a kind.

You're a human being.

So many others could've taken your place.

But here you are.

In Detroit, Michigan,

Receiving stares and winks from Connor,

An RK800 android.

You didn't deny that it was. . .

Captivating.

He was.

He is.

And. . .

You want more of him.

_God knows, you got no choice, got no choice, but to love yourself_

_God knows, I got no choice, got no choice, got no choice_

You were with him,

Loving him.

_How'd I ever get so off my rocks?_

_How'd I ever get so lost (who knows)_

He would be the only one to elicit these sounds from you.

The only one.

And he would keep hold of this experience.

The noises you make were refreshing,

Knowing he was wrong but was doing it so right.

_Everybody out there on the job, but not me oh no_

_How'd I ever get so indiscreet, how'd I ever get so freakly_

He bit,

He scratched,

He clung

But you relished the sensation that tingled throughout your whole body.

His low, gruff grunts that would tremble along your thighs,

His melodic words replacing your tame thoughts.

_Everybody out there on a leash_

_But not me  
_

****

 

****

 

 

 

_**Oh, but not me** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	6. Ghosting (Reader x Gavin Reed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Gavin!!  
> I hate you but it's still your birthday!! 36 years old in the year 2038 but a smol 16-year-old this year!!
> 
> To the song Ghosting by Mother Mother

_I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting along_

_Ghost in your house, ghost in your arms_

He stared straight through you

As if you weren't there at all.

It infuriated you:

You had the same job as him,

Same position.

Why the fuck didn't he want your help?

_When you're tossing, when you turn in your sleep_

_It's because I'm ghosting your dreams_

He acted indifferently.

He didn't pay you any mind.

Only when you had finished reports,

Documents,

General paperwork,

Did he even spare you a glance.

_And this is why I have decided_

_To pull these old white sheets from my head_

So you decided to quit playing charades with him.

It wasn't going to be poor ol'  **Y/N** in the

Background.

You were going to make a name in this shitty neighbourhood.

_I'll leave them folded neat and tidy_

_So that you'll know I'm out of hiding_

You quit staring at him out of the corner of your eye.

You gave him no say in what decisions you were going to make.

You stopped clinging to him as a partner.

You were an officer with a loaded gun.

_I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting along_

_Ghost in the world, ghost with no home_

You used to be so hard with people.

A tough exterior.

A cold interior.

How it crumbled.

Crumbled along with this deviant revolution

As they continued to get gunned down.

_I remember, I remember the days_

_When I'd make you oh-so afraid_

Your unfaltering glare upon the city turned him cold.

Cold to the bone.

He would quiver when your steadfast gaze was set on him.

But the days washed over.

And the shine within your eyes turned dull.

Their once intransigent stare now dormant.

_And this is why I have decided_

_To leave your house and home unhaunted_

The lack of your presence left him confused,

Bewilderment always present in his addled mind.

He would see you smile and chatter with others in the workplace,

But not once had you flicked him a single side eye.

**_You don't need poltergeists for sidekicks  
_ **

The residing taste within your mouth was bitter,

Salty with more-so pleasant traces of dulcet ease.

But that didn't stop you from clenching your fists every time you saw

**Him**

Walk passed with no mind for your existence.

_You don't need treats_

_And you don't need tricks_

_You don't need treats_

_You don't need tricks_

You held your head up,

Thoughts set on avoiding any of his antics.

_You don't need no Halloween_

_You don't need treats_

_You don't need tricks_

_And you don't need me_

But you always went back to thinking.

Thinking about all the times you had stopped him from having a go at Connor.

How many times you had barely swerved a fist to the face when he was set on harming a civil machine.

**Machine**

But he still didn't need me.

_**Me** _

_Hey, would it be so bad if I stayed_

_I'm just a ghost out of his grave_

_And I can't make love in my grave_

But still,

You'd offer him as much support as needed.

So long as he came to you for it.

And.

You'd hold him.

So tightly.

So sincerely.

He felt safe in your arms.

But every time you'd feel more and more useless.

You felt like a stress toy he could cry to

And then move on from.

You didn't mind him venting to you

But. . .

It wasn't what you were here for.

_I won't put white into your hair_

_I won't make noises in your stairs_

So you tried.

You tried and tried.

Tried to put distance between the two of you.

So he could learn.

Learn to live and move on.

**Without you.**

_I will be kind and I'll be sweet_

_If you stop staring straight through me_

But he came back every time.

To soak up the last drops of love you'd bother to let leak through the holes he shot through you.

The stab wounds he'd leave after every case.

_And this is why I have decided_

_To pull these old white sheets from my head_

You'd smile up at him every time.

Every time.

You'd allow yourself to become a doormat.

A stepping stone.

So you could fall into the background once again.

_I'll leave them folded neat and tidy_

_So that you'll know I'm out of hiding_

But all these services were done out of bitter spite.

Resentful spite you harboured and kept on the low.

Brewing in your dark thoughts.

The twisted, incoherent mentality a cop should not have.

_And this is why I have decided_

_To leave your house and home unhaunted_

But you weren't a villain.

You weren't a bad person.

Not a criminal.

Just a victim tortured.

La Dolce Vita was so far from this world.

Your euphonious words would ricochet.

Ricochet and come back to stab you.

The sweet melodies shouldn't be for him.

He didn't deserve it.

 

 

_**You don't need poltergeists for sidekicks** _

 

 

This pool you swam in felt so serene.

 

This pool you floated in felt so tranquil.

 

This pool you were sinking in felt so equable.

 

This pool you were drowning in felt so idyllic.

 

This pool of blood that surrounded your trembling body stained the cement pavement you laid upon.

The shouting began to get drowned out by the beeping.

The pistol that rested at your side felt so hefty.

 

Weird.

You thought you felt happy.

You were content.

Such a sick world.

Such a sick mind.

 

_You don't need treats_

_You don't need tricks_

_And you don't need me_

The hand that held yours felt so calloused.

So brittle.

As if it was ready to shatter.

It shook.

It quaked.

In your grasp,

It felt so light,

So weak,

Weaker than your blood-stained form.

" **Y/N**. Hold on just a little while longer."

It reminded you of a song.

A song that Markus sang.

That they sang.

Luther would sing.

Chloe would sing.

Lucy would hum.

They held each other in their times of need.

They made sure to stay strong.

To never back down from their cause.

" **I'll fight on just a little while longer if it means they get to live.** "

"And I'll pray on. . . Just-"

His words began to get washed away by sobs.

Sobs only a broken man would allow to flood.

Flood his entire being.

The smile that graced your lips felt heavy.

Everything felt heavy.

Your eyes were blinking inconceivably slow.

So slow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**You don't need no Hallows Eve** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	7. God, It Hurts (Reader x Simon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eeeee thanks for the song suggestion, Twink ;)))))
> 
> The song is Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie

_How can I say this without breaking_

_How can I say this without taking over_

God, you loved him.

You loved him so fucking much.

_How can I put it down into words_

_When it's almost too much for my soul alone_

But now he's gone,

And your weak heart was ready to shatter.

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

You loved him so  **fucking** much.

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

You truly thought he was

"The One"

But now. . .

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

He's gone.

 

 

He's gone.

He's gone.

He's gone.

 

 

The thoughts echo through your mind,

Making it so hard to breathe.

The thoughts were constricting,

Shutting off your windpipe.

 

 

You oh-so-wanted to cry out,

To sob.

But now was no time to be weak.

_**And it hurts like hell** _

Now

Was no time

To be weak.

_ **Yeah it hurts like hell** _

Not now.

 

 

_I don't want them to know the secrets_

_I don't want them to know the way I loved you_

You isolated yourself from everyone else

In fear.

In knowing that they wouldn't be able to feel the same pain as you.

_I don't think they'd understand it, no_

_I don't think they would accept me, no_

You feared.

You thought they would get rid of you.

Kick you out for being a burden.

So you'd act tough.

Carry the crushing woe along with you.

So they didn't have to drag you along.

To see your mangled corpse at the bottom of the cliff.

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

He  ~~~~promised to stay alive.

He promised to stay alive

For  **you.**

A ~~nd~~ yet. . .

H ~~e f~~ ailed.

He failed to st ~~ay ali~~ ve

 ~~Fo~~ r  **you.**

 ~~S~~ o yo ~~u co~~ uld li ~~ve~~.

_**And it hurts like hell** _

S ~~o~~ n ~~ow~~ you'd li ~~ve~~ on with t ~~he~~ agony of h ~~is p~~ assing.

_**Yeah it hurts like hell** _

B ~~ut~~ ~~yo~~ u'd ~~li~~ ve o ~~n.~~

S ~~o h~~ is ~~me~~ mory co ~~uld~~ to ~~o.~~

 

 

 

_Dreams fight with machines_

_Inside my head like adversaries_

You dreaded the day.

The day you knew the revolution would go awry.

Where blood would stain the ground.

The pavements we used to walk

Now painted blue.

 **Blue** in sorrow.

 **Blue** in suffering.

 **Blue** as a reminder that they were ready to  fight against everything they knew.

Everything they  _lived_ for.

_Come wrestle me free_

_Clean from the war_

But you refused to allow them to all suffer.

Suffer alone with the knowledge that you'd stay with him.

No matter where.

No matter what.

 

_But you just got in the way._

 

You didn't mean for this to happen.

 

**They never do.**

 

_Your heart fits like a key_

_Into the lock on the wall_

But he made you feel just fine.

Just.

Fine.

And you were fine with that.

Feeling just

Fine.

 

_I turn it over, I turn it over_

_But I can't escape_

But the emotion you always lied to yourself to believe began to feel imprisoning.

Like it was trapping you.

Forcing you to live this routine.

_I turn it over, I turn it over_

 

You used to call out his name.

Call for him down the road

And he'd be there in a split second.

His blue eyes would shine like a glistening ocean.

He looked so happy,

So calm,

As if the world wasn't crumbling around him.

 

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

God, did you love him.

God, did you fucking love him.

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

But now he's gone.

Along with any hopes for the revolution to be successful.

_**I loved and I loved and I lost you** _

And so you watched.

Watched as the Riot Police gunned down Markus;

Gunned down North;

Gunned down Josh,

But you just watched,

Watched as they stared at you with their unblinking,

Lifeless eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**And it hurts like hell** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	8. I'm Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a reader x character.  
> I felt like this song isn't subject to just one of them.
> 
> I felt like. Doing something. Different.
> 
> Especially after not posting a new oneshot for a while
> 
> Song is Mary by PhemieC

_Look at all the many colours, so exquisitely embroidered,_

_Delicately and precisely sewn into a line_

The revolution was coming,

And it was going to be messy.

O _rganized in harmony, relationships so intricate_

_How'd I ever come across a tapestry so fine?_

But when you met them,

It felt.  _Alright._

_But what is this?_

_You’re burning holes in my stitching_

And then

It all fell apart.

_The colours bleeding into one big mess_

_Did you guess, I’d let this fabric fray?_

Everything seemed to fall apart

So quickly.

 _I’m meddling with_ _murderers who still deserve to pay for their insanity_

_And though I’m one of them, I’m rarest of my kind, for many fell but only I arose_

You've dealt with them so many times.

So many.

Shot them dead.

Even the good ones.

Who's next?

That was rhetorical.

Him.

Their ringleader.

_It's been so long since I’ve seen the sun, who’s to say if the colours have faded?_

_Locked away so long, now jaded, left only to decay_

But you weren't on anyone's side.

You were but a mere spectator with no real care for who won.

After all,

Your kind has no say in the matter.

 

 

_ I’m Mary. _

 

_I feel like Mary in this dress._

 

**_ I’m Mary. _ **

 

 

_And virgin journeys lie before us, patient and inscrutable_

_There’s clouds of visions, crowds of villains, mulling in withdrawal_

There were people that you didn't agree with, of course.

But that was inevitable.

The things you saw,

The things you thought about.

Even the devil would be too shocked to adhere.

 

_And who would make the sacrifice, who but I is suitable?_

_Who but the sharp dressed woman with a dull chainsaw?_

You weren't the hero they needed.

But you'd put their story down in the history books.

Into the hands of those ahead.

Those to come looking,

Seeking for the tale of

The android revolution.

 

_I mean no insult, but I’m fed up_

_It’s my fault, gave you the go ahead_

_I’ve lost my way, my hopeful days_

_Are just as dead as I am_

 

But,

Alas,

They'd be reading from the view of an empty vessel.

Both entities had been a factor of ruining your life.

Your happiness.

Hopefulness.

 

But.

You couldn't blame them.

You allowed them to get into your head.

 

_And failure on my part to intercede has now ironically_

_Or cosmically, like poetry, come in between our destiny_

You felt bad.

Now that you thought about it.

But, in truth, you'd have never made a difference.

You wouldn't be the deciding factor.

You weren't of high status

Like her  _greatness_ :

Madame President.

 

_And us but now there’s nothing left and nobody to meddle with_

_To try and make it better, it’s unsettling to mother nothing_

You didn't feel a need to protect nor care for any of them.

They were fully able to take care of themselves.

Grown adults

Now squabbling like children

Over their little plastic toys.

 

_Mightn’t I have seen this coming on the horizon?_

_Storms of green and orange, this world of monsters taking form_

Anyone with a bit of common sense and a second to think would've realised by now.

Realised long ago.

That these new, engineered toys would soon become too great for their own good.

They were the superiors.

But they had to play the role of slave to their makers.

 

_But no, it is my place to simply fade away like wind_

_Like someone else that I could name that shouldn’t have been born_

While no one would remember your insignificant existence,

You had more prominent views

That you  _knew_

Others could benefit from listening to.

But those creators and masterminds would forever be scheming.

Scheming to turn against us

And deceive their own.

 

 

 

_**Of Mary** _

 

_I feel like Mary in this dress_

**_I’m Mary_ **

 

_And I’ve nothing to confess_

 

**_But hear me,_ **

 

_'Cause no-one else is left_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~ **_I’m Mary_ ** ~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	9. The Drugs (Reader x Elijah Kamski)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am heccin tired boissss
> 
> Song is The Drugs by Mother Mother

_Cause you’re hotter than the sun_

_And you’re better than the drugs I used to love_

He was dangerous.

An apex predator,

Trumping all others.

_I would lose my decadence_

_I'd do away with all the dirtiness for your love_

He was  _far_ better than any other toy you'd played with.

So much better.

_I would become innocent_

_I’d listen to everything mamma said for your love_

You'd play the part so long as you could stay by his

Heavenly side.

Your family said to stay away from him.

But you didn't listen.

You didn't agree.

If you wanted to love,

You'd stick to it.

_'Cause you’re hotter than the sun_

_And you’re better than the drugs I used to love_

His fingers ran along your back,

Causing you to quiver,

A chill running along your spine as he lead his fingers downwards.

_And you’re deadly like a gun_

_Yeah you’re deadly like the drugs_

He kept you poised and eager

For his  _touch_.

The touch that would linger,

Fingers hovering just above those sweet spots you yearned for him to touch.

 

 

_**Oh the drugs, I used to love** _

 

 

_Send me down an angel_

_And let it pull me up from my own hell_

He loved you.

You told yourself.

He'd tell you.

He loved  **you.**

Was it a lie?

You hoped not.

 

_We could float around this space_

_We’d be above all of the pain in ecstasy_

But he kept you moaning,

Whining out for more

And  **more.**

And his passion.

Oh.

That hunger in his eyes.

_**Dangerous.** _

 

_'Cause you’re hotter than the sun_

_And you’re better than the drugs I used to love_

You would answer to his ever beg and call,

his every plea left you breathless.

_And you’re deadly like a gun_

_Yeah you’re deadly like the drugs_

But you'd never grow bored of a man like him,

For he held many secrets.

Many secrets and guilty pleasures he would not tell a soul.

Perhaps not even you.

 

 

_**Oh the drugs, I used to love** _

 

 

_Give my best to the mess - I’ve had my fill of it_

You knew he did love you.

But. . .

He had so many other interests,

So many things he got caught up in.

So much work.

 

_And give my worst to the curse I’ve had my fill of it_

Or maybe. . .

He really didn't care?

He wasn't that sort of man.

He'd say things he'd regret.

He'd do things that would soon guilt him.

He'd leave people he would soon want back.

 

_And give my blessing to depression - I’ve had enough of it_

He left.

He left you.

He made so many copies to keep himself sane.

Chloe.

She wasn't you.

She'd never be you.

But he lied

And lied

To make himself believe

That she was you.

 

 

~~_**Had enough of it** _ ~~

 

 

~~~~ ~~~~_'Cause you’re hotter than the sun_

_And you’re better than the drugs I used to love_

Your anger boiled.

The resent you felt for him was

Overwhelming.

Sickening.

 

But that's until he fell at your feet.

 

_And you’re deadly like a gun_

_Yeah you’re deadly like the drugs_

He'd fallen.

Grovelled at your feet.

**_"All those ~~Chloes~~. They were meant to represent you. But-"_ **

**_He choked back a sob,_ **

**_"They'd always be missing something._ **

**_So I made more-"_ **

**_"And more. . ._ **

**_Just to indulge myself."_ **

 

 

 

Like a broken record

Who'd been played far too much

And much too long,

You embraced him.

 

 

 

_Oh, the drugs,_

 

_Oh, the drugs,_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~_**I used to love** _ ~~

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	10. Another Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another non character x reader oneshot
> 
> I just like Mother Mother songs okay
> 
> The song is Angry Sea by Mother Mother

_I don't want the same disease_

_That everybody's got these days_

The society we live in is sick,

Deranged,

Manipulative,

Cutthroat

And scheming.

They're listening,

Watching,

Learning every way to make our lives tougher.

Sick people.

Sick leaders.

Driven by  **sick ideas**

_I don't want to live that way_

_I do not want to live in pain_

You didn't want to listen and obey

Like everyone else.

They believed the lies they'd been fed.

They allowed themselves to be controlled by these ideals.

Selfish  _ **ideals**_.

Dangerous  _ **ideals**_.

_So take your parasites away_

_And keep them somewhere far from me_

You'd separate yourself from others.

Stay out of the crowd.

Don't listen.

**Don't obey.**

Don't watch.

**Don't follow.**

Don't speak.

**Don't taste.**

_'Cause I don't want the same disease_

_That everybody's got these days_

You'd block them out.

Ignore their lying words.

But you'd stay vigilant.

But you weren't enough.

One person.

Against a whole myriad of puppets on strings

With their puppeteers jeering at your foolishness.

 

_I don't want to live that way_

_I do not want to live in pain_

They'd force their paradigms down your throat,

Their crude ideologies flooding everybody's minds.

_Another fool in history_

_I'll tell you what it means to me_

But to them,

You were the idiot.

The madman who thought it would be smart to stray away,

To fathom their ideas.

To know their tricks,

Their shticks.

Every beck and call

Aimed at you.

To wrench out your sanity,

Your modesty,

Your dignity.

_It's nothing but lobotomy_

_It's nothing but an angry sea striking a wave with me_

So what's their big plan?

Force everybody to be happy?

Act as if their minds haven't been cured.

Pretend as if their minds had always been benign.

Take all the problems away

To create a bigger problem.

A corrupting issue.

 

 _It's coming like a big freight_ train

_It's spreading like a wild flame_

This infestation,

This epidemic

Had spread so quickly,

Infecting all the healthy life in the area

With their twisted rectitude.

Soon,

Everybody had fallen victim,

Fallen ill with this sickness.

_You know it's coming all our ways_

_So dig your dirt and make your grave_

You pondered whether they were aware,

Aware of the part they played in this downfall of the economy.

Of the public health.

Aware that they were being controlled and force-fed lies.

Blackmailed into giving over the power to these liars.

 

_Mamma save me_

_Come on and vaccinate me_

You were still prey to the hunters.

They could catch you at any minute,

Lock you up,

Mould you into a different shell.

A person you wouldn't recognise.

A person you wouldn't remember.

Someone you'd be disgusted to look at.

To think about.

_'Cause I don't want the same disease_

_That everybody's got these days_

You knew

It was already too late.

Everyone had grovelled at these

~~_**Principles** _ ~~

~~~~Knelt down to these

~~_**Ethics** _ ~~

 

 

 

_I don't want to  live **that way**_

_I do not want to  live **in** **pain**_

_**Another** **fool** in  history_

_I'll tell you what **it means to me**_

_It's nothing but **lobotomy**_

 

 

Maybe living in this broken society was all you knew.

Maybe you could accept that

And live on.

A slave to their beliefs.

Another puppet.

On another string.

With more estranged puppeteers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~_**It's nothing but an angry sea striking a wave with me** _ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	11. Simply Simple (Reader x RK900)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To all you psychos who call RK900 "Richard"
> 
> Stay far away from me. I know Dick is short for Richard but please, don't give him an old man's name
> 
> Song is Simply Simple by Mother Mother

_Take me lightly, I am not the way I ought to be_

_I'm just the way I got to be_

You weren't perfect,

Of course.

Who was?

That synthetic piece of shit,

Of course.

_Take me slowly, or else you may come by injury_

_I'll hurt you emotionally_

He was too orderly,

His presence so predominant.

You were a soft soul,

A frail thing,

Everyone knew.

But your finger on the trigger was sharp.

A great shot.

But you were still so fragile.

_Rock me, baby, until my eyes are closed and I'm asleep_

_And then it's safe for you to leave_

You hated how stuck-up Conan and Gavin were;

You weren't a puppy they had to smother,

You weren't a newborn kitten who couldn't open their eyes yet.

And you  _certainly_ weren't a tag-along third wheel.

_Call me lazy, for I have yet to let my soul free_

_It's still very much in my reach, oh_

While, no, you weren't the best,

Nowhere near as good as Hank nor Fowler,

You were barely even hired as an officer.

Your family had no faith in you,

Left you alone,

Stranded in this big world

Alone.

You were still trying to reach that pedestal,

It was somewhere.

Ahead.

If you kept running.

 

_I just wanted to unfold_

_Simply simple_

Inside,

All you wanted to do was to be able to sit back,

Watch the sky turn to day,

To night.

_I do everything I'm told_

_Keep it simple_

But the best you could do is do the bare minimum,

Or whatever didn't overwhelm your barely functioning mind.

You'd listen,

Obey,

Work until you were given a shaky thumbs up.

And then you'd leave.

 

_You want babies, well here I am so why not, aren't you pleased_

_With a big baby like me?_

They'd never pay you any mind,

Blink at you and then turn away.

Lie to you.

Tell you they needed you.

As if you were a useful asset to the team.

 

_And I'll throw a fit, and you'll trip to pick up after it_

_Domesticated bliss_

So you'd load all your work on him.

He was designed for this,

Right?

So why were you needed?

You were just more weight.

Another pair of clumsy,

Uncalculated hands that would mess up everything.

 

_**Ain't it enough?** _

 

_I just wanted to unfold_

_Simply simple_

You'd lie to them too.

Smile.

Falter.

Keep running.

_Running._

**_Running._ **

~~**What am I running from?** ~~

 

_I do everything I'm told_

_Keep it simple_

Run from your responsibilities,

_Run from the law,_

_**Run from them,** _

~~**_Run from yourself._ ** ~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**Simply Simple** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	12. Oleander (Reader x Josh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Oleander by Mother Mother
> 
> I've been planning to do a oneshot for Josh for so long but David Cage made the characters so vague and uninteresting I honestly couldn't care less about them

_You stood beside me when I was out of my mind_

You had a history of problems,

A history with people,

A history with the people.

And that made it hard to communicate.

_I broke the glass, and you were there to sweep it aside_

But he'd stay with you.

He'd deal with you.

He'd tolerate.

He'd cope.

And you loved him

For that.

_And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me_

You didn't know where you'd be without him.

Cheesy as it was, he really did care.

He cared

Almost

_**Too** _

Much

 

_I make a mess and you'll be there to help me undress_

But he was one of the few who understood your problems.

The fights you'd have with others.

The miscommunications.

_I'll be unclean, I'll be obscene, you'll be the rest_

He was quiet.

He was still.

He was calm.

He was tranquil.

He was passionate.

_And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me_

You needed him,

And he needed you.

That's all you needed to know.

That you were  _ **needed**_.

 

_Like an oleander_

So frail.

_Light white leaves, of an oleander_

**So brittle.**

_White like me_

_**Yet deadly. . .** _

 

_I'm like a child in a sty_

What was your role in this play, again?

_I play with fire_

To ruin their plans?

_I burn you right out, I burnt your bible_

You didn't get it.

_You tried to cry, could only smile_

~~**They wouldn't retaliate.** ~~

_~~It's so **fucking** infuriating.~~ _

 

_And if you leave me rest assured it would kill me_

Despite all the horrid things you'd done,

He stayed.

Stuck by you.

Suffering.

 

 

 

**_Rest assured if you leave_ **

 

 

 

_Like an oleander_

**~~Poisonous~~ **

~~~~_~~~~Light white leaves, of an oleander_

~~**Toxic** ~~

_White like me  
_

~~**Disgusting** ~~

 

 

 

 ~~~~_Oh the oleander_

~~**Why would you indulge in me** ~~

_White white leaves of an oleander_

~~**I'm disgusting** ~~

_White like me_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Such a pretty,_ ** ~~

~~**_Ugly,_ ** ~~

~~**_Dead_ ** ~~

~~**_Flower_ ** ~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.
> 
> FYI, there are a few meanings to my oneshots, drabbles, etc
> 
> I'll let you in on the meaning for this one because it's only just general knowledge but  
> The Oleander is a poisonous flower so the reader sees themselves as horrid, evil, not someone who you should be around because their personality is "poisonous" and will drive people away.  
> But Josh, "tries to cry, puts on a smile", simply stays with them through this and smiles through the undeniable pain which is staying with this person who is like an Oleander.  
> Despite the reader being so horrible, "I burnt your bible", Josh still masks it all and will help and support them through all their breakdowns and outbursts.


	13. Doubt (Reader x Kara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Doubt by Twenty One Pilots
> 
> I've got back into Twenty One Pilots. I hope I'm considered edgy now.
> 
> This song could be for so many characters but I feel Kara doesn't get enough love.

_Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity,_

Who were you becoming?

 **What** were you becoming?

They said  **he** created you in His own image.

Were you falling further away from Him?

_Scared of my own ceiling, scared I'll die of uncertainty,_

Was this all you could reach?

Were these your limitations?

Could you really not get to that pedestal?

That divine life.

_Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety,_

He's filling you with all these bad thoughts,

These bad ideas.

What if this anxiety kills you.

Lands somewhere you don't want to be.

_Don't know what's inside of me._

Who was in there?

Him or you?

 

_Don't forget about me,_

_Don't forget about me,_

Please.

Don't leave.

I need you.

You were the whole inspiration.

_Even when I doubt you,_

_I'm no good without you, no, no_

You were always there for me.

And though we've had our hardships,

You were there.

Through it all.

Thank you.

 

_Temperature is dropping, temperature is dropping,_

But you could never take it all away.

_I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping,_

After all,

He was always there for me too.

He manifested within my mind,

My being,

And allowed me to suffer,

But he's still part of me.

_Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no,_

I don't want him gone but,

I don't want him to control me.

He's just an old friend,

A nightmare that doesn't seem to end.

_You are all that I've got, no_

 

_Don't forget about me,_

_Don't forget about me,_

I'm fading

But,

Please,

Stay.

_Even when I doubt you_

_I'm no good without you, no, no, no, no, no_

**Stay.**

~~ **Please.** ~~

 

 

_Gnawing on the bishops, claw our way up their system,_

Just stay alive.

How could he do that.

His sons.

_Repeating simple phrases, someone holy insisted,_

But it seems as though

I've realised this

And grown disillusioned.

And now I doubt even more.

_I want the markings made on my skin,_

_To mean something to me again,_

But those marks have grown dull

And are just there for show now.

_Hope you haven't left without me._

_Hope you haven't left without me, please_

They said you'd save the ones who had stayed loyal.

S ~~o~~ ,

P ~~le~~ a ~~se~~ ,

Do ~~n't~~ l ~~ea~~ v ~~e w~~ ith ~~ou~~ t ~~m~~ e ~~.~~

 ~~Pl~~ e ~~as~~ e ~~,~~

 **Save m** **e.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**Don't forget about me** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The meaning of this oneshot can be read here:
> 
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1brRXJOrneEyhg3fRi_WL2ZyFTQnsEikdJOScwUVfzkY/edit?usp=sharing
> 
>  
> 
> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	14. Rhinestone Eyes (Reader x Elijah Kamski)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a North chapter planned but asdfgh it's only a draft so end me
> 
> I'm really lazy, sorry.
> 
> The song is Rhinestone eyes by Gorillaz

_I'm a scary gargoyle on a tower_

_That you made with plastic power_

All these people who would kneel to you,

But I'm here, numb to the fact.

**_Your rhinestone eyes are like factories far away_ **

Everyone seems so distant,

So lifeless and dull.

But what would I know?

No one listens at all.

 

_When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep_

_Drive on engines 'til they weep_

Forcing those below us to work unforgiving hours.

Telling them their lives aren't of worth as ours.

_**With future pixels in factories far away** _

We just hope for

That day.

The day we pray it all away.

 

_So call the mainland from the beach_

_Your heart is now washed up in bleach_

Look at what we've done.

Look at what you've helped create.

A planet-destroying monster.

And no, it's not them.

 

_The waves are rising for this time of year_

_And nobody knows what to do with the heat_

It's all spreading too quickly.

Why are we killing her

So quickly?

 

_Under sunshine pylons, we'll meet_

_While rain is falling like rhinestones from the sky_

So toxic.

So dangerous.

But we don't mind.

 

_I got a feeling now my heart is frozen_

_All the verses and the corrosion_

_Have been obstinate in my soul_

The thoughts stick with me,

They refuse to leave.

So I just sit and stare

As a lifeless form

Out of the window

Watching them pray their lives away.

 

_I prayed on the immovable_

_Yet clinging to the atoms of rocks_

_Seasons see adjustments signs of change_

I awoke to find my paradise was gone,

Destroyed by those who

Promised us the best.

We all thought she could survive

Through anything we threw at her,

Anything we built on her

But she's soon disappearing.

Winter seems so mild

Now that Summer burns our flesh.

 

_I can't see now she said, "Taxi."_

_Now that light is so I can see_

_This storm brings strange loyalties, and skies_

But we all seem to stay loyal to them,

No one even dares to stray out of line.

What fears are they to have?

 

_I'm a scary gargoyle on a tower_

_That you made with plastic power_

_Your rhinestone eyes are like factories far away_

I'll stand here, lifeless and dull

Until you decide to get over yourself.

To make a change.

 

_Helicopters fly over the beach_

_Same time every day, same routine_

It's the same schedule,

Wake up,

Go to school,

Go to work,

Come home.

But if you don't follow these instructions,

You are subjected to the violence none of us

Could even imagine.

We don't want to.

Fear keeps everyone in line.

 

_A clear target in the summer, when skies are blue_

_It's part of the noise when winter comes_

Those who stand against the system are

So easy to spot,

Clear as day.

_It reverberates in my lungs_

_Nature's corrupted in factories far away_

I feel it in me,

It is me,

I am it.

The world crumbling into dried out waste.

 

_Your love's like rhinestones, falling from the sky_

Plentiful

But

_**Worthless.** _

_With future pixels in factories far away_

You wanted to be something grand,

And you got that,

You achieved your goal.

Now, what are you not happy with?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**Your love's like rhinestones, falling from the sky** _

It's fake

It's worthless

 

Love as much as you want

But like a rhinestone,

It's worthless;

Fake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	15. Happy (Reader x Gavin Reed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am an edgelord so hi what's up fam
> 
> Song is Happy by Mother Mother

_Ask me if I'm happy,_

_I don't know_

A level hum buzzed throughout your mind,

Your spaced out thoughts numbing your conscience.

_If it is a place we need to go,_

_Ask me if I'm happy_

He'd interrupt,

He'd intervene.

 

_**I don't care** _

 

_Maybe I'd be happy if you disappeared_

Just perhaps,

If you found a pastime,

Something to do,

He wouldn't bug you as much.

_Maybe I'd be happy if you give me drugs_

Maybe you should've stayed blind.

Stayed quiet.

Hears nothing.

Says nothing.

Sees nothing.

 

_Drugs can make a fuck last all night long_

_Cus nothing makes me happy about getting off_

You just wanted to live out a lucky life,

To see people content

But still strive to improve.

For more.

 

_Reaching for the saddest little cloth_

You couldn't teach it.

_Reaching for the water on the sill_

You couldn't reach it.

_Water with the saddest little film_

But it was their ultimate goal.

 

_Ask me if I'm happy_

_What does it mean?_

But no one could truly ever be

**Happy.**

They could pray

But that just showed us how

**Unhappy**

They were.

 

_I'll tell you that I am if you tell me I'm dreaming_

The world was falling,

Shattering around you as minds broke,

Tempers snapped. . .

And people were ravenous,

Insatiable for the anger that churned inside them.

But it was too much,

Soon shrouding out morals,

Enveloping all modesty.

 

_To wake up in a place I've never been_

To finally be comfortable with where you were,

To find that selfish solace

Everyone craved.

But why should you be the one to deserve it?

 

_Wake up with a face I've never seen_

To awaken to the calmness of being sincere,

Find yourself with someone you can trust,

To love.

 

_Wake up with the purest sense of being_

To love her,

Love her with your fullest,

Knowing she'll love you back,

She'll entrust you with her mortal feelings.

 

_To wake up to a woman that isn't screaming_

Not another heartbreak,

Not another felony,

Not another tangent.

 

_Ask me if I'm happy_

_La la la  
_

Of course you weren't,

But

No one would believe you if you said you wish you were someone else,

They'd poke at you,

Sneering,

Telling you as an officer, you're serving your nation.

**Your nation.**

 

 

_Happy is a pill for the faint of hearts_

_Happy is a place in the dark_

Only the weak-hearted would give themselves those doses

Of Happiness we all worked for.

Happiness only came to those who would accept it.

But no one accepted it.

Everyone just yanked at it,

Broke its chains

And shattered it.

_In the dark_

_In the dark_

 

**_Yeah, you know it is_ **

 

_Ask me if I'm happy one more time_

_I'll give you a reply if you give me your eye_

They'd bug you,

He'd bug you

As to why you always seemed so recluded

And down.

 

_I'll leave you with an itty bitty hole_

_Well it's nothing like the one inside my soul_

As if they didn't understand the exact reason why.

So you'd bite them,

Strike them.

Lash out on them until they were cornered and

**Afraid.**

Just like you.

Just like you were.

Just like you had been.

Just like how you'd felt for

**So long.**

 

 

_It's nothing like the canyon of my heart_

_Well at least I got some room to fall apart_

You were so empty.

You wished they'd understand.

You wished he'd understand.

But he kept a blind eye,

Selfish,

_Selfish,_

_**Selfish.** _

 

 

_Ask me if I'm happy I'll tell you what_

_Happy is a diamond in the rough_

Happiness was so rare these days,

But it shined so brightly,

So blindingly,

It would cloud their thoughts

Until they would persist to strive

Towards that unhealthy routine.

The one he'd bother you with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**Happy it ain't enough** _

_Ain't enough_

_Ain't enough_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Yeah, you know it ain't_ ** ~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	16. Bottom Is A Rock (Reader x Markus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEE HA W M O THER MO THE R HA S A N E W AL B U M A N D I A M A D D I C T E D
> 
> D A N C E A N D C R Y I S TH E I R N E W AL B U M
> 
> The song is Bottom Is A Rock
> 
> SUCH AN UNDERRATED BAND ASDFGHJKL sorry

_Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go_

_**Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go** _

_Meet it by the day, greeted by the day_

_Do I kiss it on the cheek, kick it in the teeth_

Either make the most of your life or die trying.

Life isn't easy.

Life is what you make her out to be.

To enjoy life, you must accept her.

You must allow her to throw obstacles and problems at you

That you must overcome.

Prove to her you are worthy.

And then watch her toss it over her shoulder like nothing.

 

_Don't lie to me, lie to me, lie to me_

_Don't tell me that everything's easy_

You'd never forget that day.

What They did to your brother.

You'd shake at the memory,

His haunting expression of utter Confusion,

Grief,

And Sorrow.

The red that trickled down his face.

The blue bruises.

 

_'Cause your life go by, and your life go fast_

_If you're gonna wanna fly, you gonna have to crash_

When you've hit the bottom, the only way to go

Is up.

You've got to back up

To go forward.

You'll be making plenty of mistakes.

Just like your brother did.

 

_Don't lie to me, lie to me, lie to me_

_Don't tell me that everything's for free_

Nothing in life is free,

You're not free;

They certainly aren't free.

 

_Cause the bottom is a rock_

_Yeah, the bottom is a rock_

_You've got to push uphill until you_

**_Drop_ **

****

_I go down to rise up_

_I get dirty just to clean myself off_

While your ethics may be skewed

_I get dry, to get drunk_

_I get pretty just to fuck my face up_

Your reasons are justified

_I get high to jump off_

_I go down to the bottom and I float up_

At least. . .

_I get found to get lost_

_I get dirty, just to clean myself off_

**That's what you thought. . .**

 

_Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go_

_**Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go** _

 

_Head up in the clouds, head up in the clouds_

_Do I let it float around, or do I pull it down_

You didn't want to let go of this fantasy,

These ideals.

You thought you were doing what was right,

What was best for you.

_Don't lie to me, lie to me, lie to me_

_Don't tell me that everything's dreamy_

But He made you realise so much.

Everything that you once thought was right

Was completely wrong

Once he guided you to the light.

_'Cause the time go by, and the time go fast_

_If you wanna make it pop, you gotta go to_

But. . .

_I won't lie to you, lie to you, lie to you_

_I won't tell you that everything's true_

He was still one of Them.

 

_Cause the bottom is a rock_

_Yeah, the bottom is a rock_

_You've got to push uphill until you_

_**Drop** _

 

_I go down to rise up_

_I get dirty just to clean myself off_

Turns out,

You're just as screwed as them.

You're a coward.

But.

They're worse.

They make it so difficult.

If only you could s t o p.

 

_I get dry, to get drunk_

_I get pretty just to fuck my face up_

There's something so  **satisfying** about seeing something so perfect

So

**Ugly**

 

_I get high to jump off_

_I go down to the bottom and I float up_

But what's the point

If he'll come back anyway.

 

_I get found to get lost_

_I get dirty, just to clean myself off_

After all,

They're replaceable;

You're not.

 

Why should he care if he shut down?

He'd come back.

He'd come back the next day.

Brand new.

 

_Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go_

_I get dirty just to clean myself off_

**_Round and round and round we go, round we go, round we go_ **

~~**_I get dirty just to clean myself off  
_ ** ~~

 

 ~~~~_The bottom is a rock_

 

_The bottom is a rock_

 

_The bottom is a rock_

 

_You've got to push uphill until you_

 

**_Drop_ **

 

 

 

**_Drop_ **

 

 

 

**_Drop_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Drop_ ** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	17. Only Love (Reader x Simon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MOTHER MOTHER'S NEW ALBUM DANCE AND CRY IS MAKING ME CRY B Y E 
> 
> Song is Only Love by Mother Mother

_I lay in my arms, dying_

_As you dance inside my heart_

He smiled at you,

To you.

He smiled through that pain,

That pain everyone refused to acknowledge

Because he's just a machine.

A synthetic piece of plastic that can't actually feel pain

Like us Humans.

 

_I know I should be trying_

_But every time, I fall apart_

You wanted to be there for him.

To help.

To reconcile with him.

But.

You couldn't.

You'd buckle and trip,

His figure always fading from view.

 

_I hear your voice in every noise,_

_I see your face in fire_

You thought you heard him,

You thought you saw him.

But

It was just your guilt

And the constant memories that would flood in all at once.

 

_I feel your breath in every storm_

_As though I get blown away_

Everything reminded you of him.

He was always there

But

He was never there.

 

_I know it's only love, it's only love,_

**_Yeah_ **

_But only love could fuck me up this much,_

_**Yeah** _

You wanted to believe he was still out there,

He just couldn't find you.

And so,

You'd run to him,

Find him,

Someday. . .

_I know it's only love, it's only love,_

**_Yeah_ **

_It's just the stuff we are, are made up of_

You didn't want to believe it.

Nothing could force you to believe it

So you wouldn't.

 

_I'm drivin' like a demon,_

_Crying to our song_

His voice: melodic,

So sweet.

Smooth,

Calming,

Soft,

Light.

_I'm drowning in the feeling_

_Of when we first sang along_

He'd join in with you,

Anywhere,

Any time.

And it'd make you smile so brightly,

It felt like the whole world was shut out.

_I hear your voice above the chorus_

_You're finally on your knees_

He really loved you,

Didn't he?

**How funny.**

_It's funny how they're not funny now_

_Instead, they bring me to my knees_

But it's not funny.

It's painful

To relive those memories.

So,

You wanted to burn,

Burn every last trace of him.

 

You'd learn to forget,

_Let go of him._

 

 

 

**_No matter what._ **

 

 

 

 

~~**_Even if it meant destroying every last trace of him._ ** ~~

~~**** ~~

 

 

~~~~_I know it's only love, it's only love,  
_

**_Yeah_ **

_But only love could fuck me up this much,  
_

**_Yeah_ **

_I know it's only love, it's only love,  
_

**_Yeah_ **

_It's just the stuff we are, are made up of_

 

 

 

_I lay in my arms dying_

_As you dance inside my heart_

 

 

 

_I know it's only love, it's only love, yeah_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_I know it's only love, it's only love, yeah_ ** ~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	18. You're Somebody Else (Reader x Connor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is You're Somebody Else by Flora Cash
> 
> Give them a listen!! They're really unknown and it's disappointing when their music is so good!

_I saw the part of you_

_That only when you're older you will see too,_

_You will see too_

Connor was a weird case.

An ironic one.

Once a deviant,

Always a deviant.

_I held the better cards_

_But every stroke of luck has got a bleed through,_

_It's got a bleed through_

You thought you knew him,

But there was so much he kept to himself.

 

_You held the balance of the time_

_That only blindly I could read you,_

_But I could read you_

You grew so close,

Scrutinising him at any chance,

Trying to pick apart his being.

What and who was he?

 

_Well, you look like yourself_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only, it ain't on the surface_

You look so tired when you looked at your reflection,

Eyes shadowed,

Darkened.

Poor  **Y/N.**

 

_Well, you talk like yourself,_

_No, I hear someone else though_

_Now you're making me nervous_

The words were the usual

But every day,

The voice didn't seem familiar.

 

_You were the better part_

_Of every bit of beating heart that I had,_

_Whatever I had_

This wasn't the person you knew.

But that cold hand you knew

Was him.

 

_I finally sat alone,_

_Pitch black flesh and bone,_

_Couldn't believe that you were gone_

You hated her with all of your being

For taking him away,

Pushing him away.

 

_Well, you look like yourself_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only, it ain't on the surface_

That face was the same

But the owner was off,

Imperfect. . .

And you didn't want to accept that.

 

_Well, you talk like yourself,_

_No, I hear someone else though  
_

_Now you're making me nervous_

The lips cringed at the strangeness of the words,

You felt so awkward saying it.

Who was that?

 

_Well, you look like yourself,_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only, it ain't on the surface_

The distance didn't make it any better,

It only made you feel emptier.

And emptier.

 

_Well, you talk like yourself,_

_No, I hear someone else though_

_Now you're making me nervous_

Who was that?

Was that the person you thought you knew?

A person?

Still?

 

 

 

~~_**Where are we?** _ ~~

 

 

 

Iͪ̄̏ͤ̚͏̧̭̪̮͚̱͚̣̱̤ ̜̙̮̹̫͍͌ͧ͋̐͜d̶̬̤͚̪̖͉̲̣́̾̾͑͑̍ͣ̑̇͞ò̵̻̟̖͇͚̜̟́̃ͥ̊͝ͅń̢̡͈̜͒̾͑͢'̨͕̝̹̖̝̣̣ͪ̐͛̒ͪͭṭ̨̼͎͔̗̫͚̦͗͂̏ͣ̊ͫ͒ͪ͟͞ ̻̪̙̅̒ͥͪ͗͐̓͟k̶̡̼̫͉̞̃̌ͤ̊͆̃͆nͬͨ̎͆́ͯ̈͏̬̪͎̳̙͚̺̹͉o̭͉̥̻̮̱̾w̴̥̼͇̖̜̩̝ͬͣͣ͒ͧ̅̈͛́͡ͅ

 

 

 

~~_**Where are we?** _ ~~

 

 

 

 ~~~~I̶̛͙̹̻̮̭̺̬͇̰̻̜̜͕̮̱̙ͬ̂̐ͤ̉͆̌̔͐ͮ̋ͯ̿͘ ̶̑ͯ͌̂̅̿ͦ͆̂ͨͨ̈̆̐̚̕͞҉̯̫͚̭̞̭͈͇̘̤̫͍͙d̡̞͉̣̲͎͔̭͓̜̋̔ͣ̾ͨ̏͂͌̎̓̉͆͆ͨͤ̒̓̌̿ọ̢̯̯̠͎͍͎̜̀̅̋ͯ̓ͮͣ̾̀͌̀ͨͨ̊͘nͪ̉̀͐̐ͨ̊͋̄͢͞͏̳̤̖͎̬͖̬̠͢'̟̼̱͖̦ͨ̿ͩͣ̌ͥ̐ͤ͛̒ͫͮ̾̈̚͜tͥ̓ͦ҉̵̳̻̹̲̫̣̞̩̞̺̝̠̝̗̲̻̜͝ͅ ̷̵̢͉̫̜̩̻͎̲̫̟̼͎͊ͧ̅̒̀͒͂̇ͥ̈́̽̓ͮk̴̴̢̻̼͓͓͓͔̘̼̜͎̠ͧ͛̏ͫ̔̊ͩͮͥ̓̈́̃͛ͫ̈́̀́͢͢ñ̵̥͕̠̻ͮ͂ͣ̌͟ǫ̵̴̤̲̫̻̻͚͔̹̭̝̰̻̪̩̗̗ͬ̆͛ͮ̃̊͌̄͗͂̂̚̚͞w̵̢̧̠̻̪͔̪̖͖̆̔ͬ̐͊̉̏͛̒ͪ̕

 

 

 

 

_Ẉ͓̟͎͔̝͑̏ͫͥ̚ë̮̱̝͕͖͓̋́̄͐͌ͩl̑ͫ̃lͣͭ̈́ͤ ̣͚͔̩̥̻̥͋y̝̌̆̂ͮ̆̔ͅo̞͎̙͔ͪͪ̎̊ͥ̑̔u̞̯ͥ ̈͛̊͂͊̇̽ḽ̤̻̟̥̽́͑̉ͅo̜͎̣̳̟ͯ̑o̘̪̲͕͉͉̟̔ͦk͇̰̝͔͕͊ ̇̎ͮͩl̺̠̹ͤ̇ͅi̹̟̳̒̅ͅk͙̻e̟̣̖͍͔̔ͅͅ ̩͖̦ͮ̽ͣͧ̎̒ỹ̝ͩo̼̣͍̤̜̥̠̍ͨ̌ů̾̉ͧͫ̈̐r͔͔̪͑ṣͮ̓̆ͥ͑ͦ͐ël̗͕̥̟ͤͯ̓̌́ͅf̍ͣ̊͋̽ͮ_

_͕͚͉͙B̘͕̓̋̑̓ͫ̏̚u̗͕ͥͭt͍̩̤ͯ̎͋ ͙ͭ̔͆̓ͬ͐̈́ͅẙ͚̰̳̩̥o͇̘͔̿̽̓̏͗ṷ̻̩̙̲̝͊̚'ͥ̐͆ͪ̐̌ṛ̗̱̞̱̃͊̓e̖͒ͪ ̙̍̐sͨ̀ͯo̭͚̱̖̗͔͂̅̌̈́̈ͪm̹̞ͣ̃͌e̗͖͈̩͔͔͓b͇̤̻̹̙̮͋͌́́ͅo͎͍̪̝͙͇̪d̩̖̖̘̙͈̱ͨ̂ͬ̀̾͛ͩẙ̙̳͕̒̉͑͂ͨ ͎̱̐ͪͯ̍͑̒e̩͚͓͐͂ͦ̓l͚̖̖̺̳̱͔͒͌̾̏̄s͍̜̖̫̠̹͇͛e̜̺͕̰ͯ̂_

_̗̮́̏͒̄͆̄͑Ọ͈̲̗̥ͬnl̬̩̊y̝̮̟͌͒͛̃͛ͪͤ ̱̣ͧ͂͆i͚̫͖̪ͥ̓t̪̝̳͂̓̾̉̔ ͕̭̰̫̩̳̆ͯͮ̈͌̈͌a̲̿̔̐̈́̈ị̟͖͒̈̂n̤̥͐'͎͇̩̅̽̾t͔̦͉̫̥̤͔̒ ͩ̈́ͭ͋̔ǒ̗̲̙͆̃͌̈̓̚n͙͈̼͖̂ͫ͆ͅ ͕̮ț̼̹͈͎̍̄̆ͤ͗h͍̳̤̲̦̋e̼ͧ ͙͔̜̞͈͕̑͊̂̉͗̑̾s̥̦͍̞ͭ́̽ͩ͒̓ͪů͔̺̤͈͛̓̉r̹̋͛ͥͪ͗̚̚f̙̐ͩ̎͗̍̌̚a̓ͦ͌̅̊c̖̻̱̭̟̭e̞̩̗̩̦̻͗_

~~Hey,~~

~~It's still you~~

 

_W͔͍͙ͪḙ̘̘̮l͔̠͊͋͒̒̈ͣ̚l̃ͧ͊̐ͮ͂ͯ ̝̮ͪ͆̑y̩̲̣̟̗o͉̙̼̹͕̤ͧ́̓ͯ̈́uͭͯͮ̓ͤ̄̓ ͈̝͖̰̺̻̘ͩ͆ͭ͒͛t̝̬̞̲̹̔ͮͥa͖̖̿ͤ̉̓̅̆l̺̼̐ͩ͋ͥͪ̐̍k ̜̝͔͓͊̑̀̈́l̤ͤ̌͛ͩ̎i̅̓k̼̺̘̝̞̮ͅe̤͔ ̬̦̪͗ͥͨ͌ͧy̦̮̤͈͔͇̻őͪ̇̂̓̀u͚͔̪ͫ̐rͫs͒̑͊e̬͉̝͌͋ͩ͗ͅl͔̗͓̣͎fͭ_

_̟̮̭No͎̠̭̦ͤ̽ͯ̾,̤̔̅ͥ͒ ̻̘͕̝͈̭ͫ͊ͭ̓̐ͫͅI̮͙̩͕̬͑̆ͩ ̮̙̲͎̎ͦh̪̍̈̄̂̆̿̚ḙ͉å͗r͂̂̅̆̿̎̽ ̯ͤ̈ͯ̆s̠͕̦̬̱̪͒͛͊ͭͅo͑̆̀m̪̣͉̻͐̋̔̐ͪ̒e̹̜o̩̼̣͉̘̒͌̋ͫ̐͊ͣn̙̹̤ͥͨ͗e̪̜̻̯̮̽̆̑ ̱͍e̗͉͐̓ͣ͋l͉͎̭͙s̠̺̗̝͎͆͊̆ͩ̂ͩ͋e̺̥͎̤̼̾̊ͭ ͕̮̹͙͒ͣtͩͬh̲̟̃̍o̪͉̰̲̖ͅu̩̱̺͇͉̍̌̅g͈̺̤̑͂̓̽͐h͗ͥ̍̌̿̓_

_Ṅ̝̩̺̙̀͆̆̚o͉͉̪̟̟͂̂ͨ̃ͭ͗w͉͈̎͑ͥ͑͆̆ ̔̾̿̅̚y̘̱̜ͅo̠͓͉̒̃̓ṷ̩ͫ̈́̈́́̆'̄ͦͫ͂̔͛r̼͔̗͍̈́ͫͥ̈́ͅe̖̻̦͚ ͕̽̑̍̊ͮ͗̚m̔a̺̝͔̮͎̰̤ḳ͖̦̏̂ͣͅi̻̯̪̩ͩͦ̔͆ͨn̝̓ͣ̀g̲ ̻̪̝̘̺̱̈m͎̼͉̱̟̱͂e͕̪͚̼ͦͯ͛ ̹̤͕͔̻̅̄͛ͬ͑̆̚nͥͅe̖̺̲͎̪͙̫̒ͣ̈r̜̫͇͉͔̩͙v̥͍̦̝̐̑̽̌o̠͓̞̎̄͌uͬs͍̭̦̅ͮ̌͗̇̀_

~~Mostly.~~

 

_Well you look like yourself_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only it ain't on the surface_

Hey,

**Y/N,**

It'll all be okay.

It's just you.

You.

 

_Well you talk like yourself_

_No, I hear someone else though_

_Now you're making me nervous_

Just you.

You.

That's all you need.

You.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**I̭̫ ͚̖̘̤̳s͖͍̖̦̩a̻̰̩͍͇̼w̠ ̫͙t̬h̜̼͓̘̥̦̞e͇̦ ̱̟͚̜p͍̟a͔̜̭̗ͅr̰̫̜̹t̤̮̹̟̱͖ ͇͖͈͖̬̜̝o̜̦̦̲̲f͓̲̩̣ ̱͎̜̝̗̬͈y̝̦̪̪̘o̳̖̗͖̹u̺̹̘̮̰̜ ̤̳̼̯̬̯ͅt̼͖h͙̮̹̰̪̣a̦̜̩͖ț̹̼ͅ ̺̤o̮̺n̤̖̠̤͈̱̼l͈̤̬̹͎̠y͎͍͔̱̠ͅͅ w̝h̜̯̺͈e͙͍̰̯n ͍̻͉̪̬̻͈yo̠̬u'r̫̫͖̭̱e ̤̥͙o̖̗l̜̰͉͓d̤̹̫̙̮̱e̖̗͔̲̬͕̯r̲͎̬**

**̟̲̗̻̹Y̭̤̬̱ou̫̣ ͍̖̥͍̪͓w̳̙̪̗il͖̻͚̻̜̥ḷ̞̻͇̪̹ ͎̗̻̪ͅs̺̬̺͙̺e̥͙ͅe̱͚ ̞͈̤̩͙̫t̖̠̟o̙o̘̣̟̤̹,̱͕̺ͅ ͇͔̗͚͖͙y̪o̰͈̞u ̲̣̰̩̜w̤̭͕̹i͎̦̗̦ḽl̳͚͕̻ ͖̺͙s̼̬̠̗̗̰̮e̥̼̯̣e̳͉̥̲̯̤̥ ͉͚̖t͓̙̼ͅo͓͚͉̖͖͓o̟ͅ**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**S̮̩̲t̳͓̯͔̫̘ͅo̤ͅp ̟̖̜ta̳͈̯̠͖̥̘l̜̬͎̜̰k̝̹i̬̙̺͍͎ͅn̯̱͉̺̘̭g̖̖̘ ̝̮t̥̞͉̗͉o̝̱ ̫̹͍yo̫̦̮̦u̞͚͚͇̫r̥͙̻̝̞s̺̠̜̠e̲̦͈͚̯l̩f͓,̻̙̫̻̭̱̞ ̺̘̺ͅY̳͎/͉͔͙̘̲̜N̰̺,̼̘̤̬͕̫͈**

**̫̫͚Ḭ̜̩̤͉̹t'̪̝s͉̪͔̥̲͎̦ ̮̖͉̭̱̫̟t̹͙i̦ͅm̝͍͚̺e̤̼̣̼̞̱ ̤̬͍̠͓̮t͓̻͔̹o̺̼̥̖̜ ͔̥̻̦̝͎̲g̳̳̰o̪**

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't so much directed at Connor, the song is about anxiety so this is actually the reader @ themself
> 
> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	19. It's Alright (Reader x Gavin Reed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is It's Alright by Mother Mother
> 
> Their new Dance and Cry album is so beautiful and I can't express how lovely it is uwu

**_Oh, it's alright, oh_ **

 

_**Oh, hey** _

 

_I had a night, I had a day_

_I did one million stupid things_

_I said one billion foolish things_

We all make mistakes,

You just had to realise that.

Accept the fact,

Just like he couldn't.

**_I'm not okay_ **

_I got a baseball bat beside my bed_

_The fight I fought inside my head_

_The fight I fought behind my meds_

The paranoia gnawed its way into the back of your mind,

Who was next?

Who was going to cry out in pain this time?

Who's going to blame you next?

Who's going to stab you in the back?

**_I'm lonely, lost in pain_ **

 

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_You're not a monster, just a human_

_That you made of your mistakes_

He wasn't to blame,

You weren't to blame,

No one was.

Humans were just like that.

Hypocritical,

Egotistical,

Stubborn,

and Stupid.

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_You're not gruesome, just human_

_That you made of your mistakes_

No one was perfect,

That, you understood very well.

You accepted it after so long

Of being told you were so much better than other,

Until you realised

You were so average.

You weren't better than anyone else on this team.

You were merely there for backup and fodder.

 

_**It's alright** _

At least you played a role.

_**It's okay** _

 

_**Goddamn** _

_I've thrown a brick right through the window_

_My life ignored the signals_

_I am high and drunk on ego_

You blocked them all out,

Allowed your terrible instinct to guide you here.

Where were you?

In your mind,

In your world,

In this place,

On this day.

**_Can't see straight_ **

_So I just feel my way around, man_

_I am touching, I am grabbing_

_Everything I can't be havin'_

_I am broken down in shame_

You just wanted to be up there,

Just like him.

You wished you had that strength,

That insecurity

To make you stronger.

 

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_You're not a demon, there's a reason_

_You're behaving that way_

But,

You couldn't blame anyone,

We were all influenced by those who raised us up

Only to put us down.

It was up to you whether you let them in,

Or shut them out.

But they knew how to snap you,

To make you fear.

To keep you at bay

And in line.

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_And I believe, yes, I believe_

_That you will see a better day_

Everyone said the grass on the other side is greener,

So you'd keep striving

To get there.

Struggling

To keep up with the others

Who just went on without you.

 

 

 

 

 

_**It's alright** _

 

 

 

 

_**It's okay** _

 

 

 

 

_**It's alright** _

 

 

 

 

_**I don't wanna know who I am**  
_

_Cause heaven only knows what I find_

_I don't wanna know I'm not capable of coming out alive_

You didn't want to know the person you'd become,

You didn't want to see them,

They only spoke in lies,

Lies you'd believe.

**_I don't wanna see what's inside_ **

_I think that I would rather be blind_

_I don't wanna know I'm not capable, I'm capable_

You didn't want to see their expression,

Knowing you're a failure,

Knowing you'd never get anywhere in life.

It was all a stupid play,

Scripted out by a psycho high on red ice.

High and angry at these certain characters

Merely because he didn't like their names,

Because they represented him too much,

He didn't want to see his own mistakes,

His own creations killing his own people.

 

_**I'm alright, I'm okay, I'm alright, I'm okay** _

_I'm not a monster, I'm a human_

_And I made a few mistakes_

So you'd accept it.

You were a human being

Doing her job.

Doing her job well

And enjoying it

While it lasted.

**_I'm alright, I'm okay, I'm alright, I'm okay_ **

_I'm not gruesome, just human_

_And I made a few_

And you'd smile.

You'd strut up to him,

Chest puffed out,

Head held high,

And drag him along to the bar for a drink.

Get comfortable.

 

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_You're not a demon, there's a reason_

_You're behaving that way_

So you'd teach him how to accept it too.

You'd let him in,

Allow him to have somebody to confide in,

Even if he doesn't particularly

Enjoy your company.

You'd be there,

To just tell him

You went through it too.

 

_**It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay** _

_And I believe, yes, I believe_

_That you will see a better day_

You knew anyone could heal

As long as you allowed them to.

 

 

 

_**It's alright** _

 

 

 

_**It's okay** _

 

 

 

_**It's alright** _

 

 

 

_And I believe, yes, I believe_

_That you will see a better day_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_It's alright_ ** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	20. Summer Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is summer depression by girl in red
> 
> I love all her music so much

**_Depression_ **

**_Teenage suicide_ **

**_Why girls?_ **

**_Emotional_ **

**_Social anxiety_ **

 

_Pretty face with pretty bad dreams_

~~**Leave me alone** ~~

_No one knows I cry in my sleep_

**~~Just like he did~~ **

_Waking up feeling like shit_

~~**He never even said** ~~

_It’s a normal thing to feel like this_

~~**Goodbye** ~~

 

~~~~_I don’t care_

_I’m feeling down_

Skip through the meadows

_I wanna stay home_

Of car accidents,

Death,

_Never go outside_

~~**Screams** ~~

_Summer depression comes every year_

Tears.

_I just want to disappear_

 

_Summer depression_

_There’s so much time to question my life_

Achievements?

_Summer depression_

None.

_It’s my_

Unless you count getting out of bed one.

_Summer depression_

 

_My worst habit_

_Is my own sadness_

That's why they always left **you** ,

Isn't it?

_So I stay up all night_

_Wondering why I'm so tired all the time  
_

They didn't want to carry **your** burdens,

They didn't want to deal with **you.**

 

 

_All my friends are doing things_

_It’s good for them_

**:)**

_But I’m nothing_

**:(**

_Summer depression comes every year_

_I just want to disappear_

 

_Summer depression_

_There’s so much time to question my life_

They wouldn't understand it though.

_Summer depression_

They wouldn't even listen

_It’s my_

~~**Nor care.** ~~

_Summer depression  
_

 

**_Teenage suicide_ **

**__Why girls?_ _ **

**_Emotional_ **

**_Social anxiety_ **

**_Depression_ **

 

_Summer depression_

_There’s so much time to question my life_

_Summer depression_

_It’s my_

_Summer depression_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Depression_ ** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	21. I Wish You Liked Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is I Wish You Liked Girls
> 
> I have so many other drafts saved of other North oneshots but I got so attached and I relate to this song so much because of inside difficulties, talking to myself in my head, that voice that's always discouraging me because one person I liked turned me down.
> 
> I know I'll have other chances of being happy with someone else in the future, I'll fully move on and barely even care about that person anymore. But despite rejection, I'll thank them. Thank them for helping me, for allowing me to progress with the experience. Thank you. For being there with me, as a friend.
> 
> Despite my longing feelings.
> 
> Just so y'all know, I no longer have feelings for this person. They're just another special, very close friend in my life that I've realised I really don't need to be so attached to.

_I grew pretty attached to you_

_Like a dog on a lead_

She had such a bright character,

Strong personality,

Unique,

Different,

Fresh,

Beautiful

Inside and out.

 

_Thought you were everything I could ever have dreamed of_

_And more than I could ever need_

She was everything in one.

She was talented,

Pretty,

Interesting,

Funny,

Observant

And smart.

You could ramble on forever about her.

**Her.**

 

_But you like boys, boys, boys_

The taste was so bitter.

_**But you like boys, boys, boys** _

You knew that taste too well.

_And you don't like me_

Despite all of that,

You'd still observe from afar

And stay alone,

Longing,

Yearning.

**Quiet.**

 

_Always thought you looked at me differently_

_Than any other you'd see_

You thought you two had something,

Something special.

She was so friendly and docile to you.

She'd wait for you,

Show you new things,

Tell you secrets.

 

Only around  **you**

And with  **you.**

 

_Thought you were aching to see me_

_At any, any possibility_

But that was a lie.

A lie you'd told yourself so many times

That you were too deep into believing it

That it clouded your mind.

 

_But you like boys, boys, boys_

She liked  **him.**

His perfect face.

His determined look.

His nimble fingers.

His legs of steel,

Confident,

Still,

and artful.

 

**_But you like boys, boys, boys_ **

You couldn't hate him though.

It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't her fault.

It wasn't your fault.

It was your fault.

You loved her.

Despite being aware of  **him.**

 

 

_**And you don't like me** _

They were happy together.

 

_I could be a bitch and tell you a million reasons why_

_Being with me would be much better than with any other guy_

You could be there for her.

You could love her every second of the day.

You wouldn't hide anything from her.

You'd. . .

You'd-

 

_I could tell you I'll treat you right_

_And never wrong_

You wanted to tell her everything,

Your plans for the future,

The places you'd travel to

**Together.**

 

_Tell you in my arms is where you belong_

Hold her close,

Tightly.

Whisper comforting words to her red,

Tear-stained face.

 

_But I know that you can't change someone_

But she liked  **him.**

She's with  **him.**

 

_So I'll just leave you alone, although_

**:)))**

 

_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_

~~**Smile** ~~

 

_**I wish you liked girls, girls, girls  
** _

~~**For her** ~~

 

 ~~~~_Girls like me  
_

~~**She's happy with him.** ~~

 

 ~~~~_You could have had the decency to tell me_

_Every time_ _I'd kiss you_

_That women isn't really something_

_That you've ever been into_

She just pitied you

All that time.

 

_'Cause you like boys, boys, boys_

~~**Why** ~~

~~**Why** ~~

~~**Why** ~~

 

_'Cause you like boys, boys, boys_

~~**Why him** ~~

~~**Why HIM** ~~

~~**WHY HIM** ~~

 

_And you don't like me_

**:(**

 

_**You could**  have had the  **kindness**  to turn me down  **privately**_

_**Instead**  of  **laughing about it**  with all of  **your friends**_

_And then **talking shit**  about  **me**_

Your eyes were sore,

Your fists hurt,

Your arms were bruised,

Your legs weak and quivering.

Curled into a ball

In a corner.

Sniffling.

Crying.

 

_'Cause you like boys, boys, boys_

But that's fine

**_'Cause you like boys, boys, boys_ **

You weren't going to be mad at her

Just because you couldn't get over a simple

Rejection.

_And you don't like me_

**It's fine.**

 

_I could be a bitch and tell you a million reasons why_

_Being with me would be much better than with any other guy_

After all,

It's not your business

Who she likes.

_I could tell you I'll treat you right_

_And never wrong_

Because you already know

Clearly

It's not you.

_Tell you in my arms is where you belong_

_But I know that you can't change someone_

_So I'll just leave you alone, although_

Markus,

Tell me,

Why.

Why you.

I don't want to hate you either.

You're the one who made her truly happy.

So,

Thank you

For the  **pain.**

The  **tears.**

The  **bad taste.**

 

_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_

Pray on

A little while longer.

**_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_ **

Sing on

Just a little while longer.

_Girls like **me**_

 

_And I know you don't swing that way_

_But that won't take my feelings away_

You'd still be happy for her.

For them.

 

_Oh, I wish you liked girls_

**_I wish you liked girls_ **

_Like me_

 

It's not her fault.

 

_And I know you don't swing that way_

_But that won't take my feelings away_

 

 

It's not his fault.

 

_Oh, I wish you liked girls_

**_I wish you liked girls_ **

_Like me_

 

It's my fault.

 

_And I know you don't swing that way_

_But that won't take my feelings away_

 

She was never interested,

 

_Oh, I wish you liked girls_

**_I wish you liked girls_ **

_Like me_   ** _  
_ **

 

But you always were.

 

_I could be a bitch and tell you a million reasons why_

_Being with me would be much better than with any other guy_

But you weren't that type of person.

You'd never be.

You hoped you'd never be.

_I could tell you I'll treat you right and never wrong_

_Tell you in my arms is where you belon_ _g_

But you'd always keep her safe.

If she ever needed you,

Which you highly doubted.

_But I know that you can't change someone_

_So I'll just leave you alone, although_

He was so much better than you.

Handsome,

Pretty,

Talented,

An artist with his words

And hands.

**~~And tongue.~~ **

 

 

 

_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_

 

**_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_ **

 

_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_

 

**_I wish you liked girls, girls, girls_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Girls like_   _me_ ** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	22. Memento Mori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Memento Mori by Crywank
> 
> Crywank is one of my favourite bands, I can relate to all of their songs so deeply and it's just.
> 
> y e s s
> 
> Give them a listen, you'll find some really relaxing and relatable music

_Everyone I love is gonna die_

_And I will die as well_

Common knowledge.

Everyone knew it.

But many refused to accept it.

 

_I think about this before I sleep_

_And have since I was a child_

It's a haunting thought.

You'll die.

You won't exist.

You won't think.

You won't feel.

No one's going to remember you.

 

_In my life, will I make a difference?_

_In my death, will I be missed?_

You'll make small differences

But overall,

Your existence is futile

And meaningless.

A few will miss you,

But they'll all get over you.

 

_Will I be granted some sort of an afterlife_

_Or will I just cease to exist?_

There's no proof of an afterlife.

After all,

It was only made up by those in denial,

Those who didn't want to accept the fact

That their lovers, children, kin, etc

Were gone.

Gone too soon,

Gone unhappy,

**Gone.**

 

_This fear makes me feel so naïve_

_I wish that I could just accept_

And even you didn't truly understand.

You knew it happens,

All those skeletons,

Lost treasures,

And memorials

Were memento mori's of it.

 

_And maybe I'm still a stupid little boy_

_Too weak to understand what will come_

Perhaps you'd grown

But you still had the mind of an unknowing child.

Helpless,

Easily manipulated

And lead to believe the beguiling lies

Or brought up knowing the harsh,

Unforgiving truth.

 

_I want to find peace of mind_

_Maybe no mind is the answer to that conundrum_

While we're alive,

We'll never find peace of mind

Because we're all too aware

And stupidly fighting others

And yourselves.

So having no mind

Is perhaps

The solution.

 

_I want to be a baby again_

_I want pure thoughts in my head_

Life was so much simpler

Back then.

Easy.

No thoughts or worries

Of death

And the

Future.

 

**_I want to be a baby again_ **

****

 

 

 

**_I want pure thoughts in my head_ **

 

 

 

 

**_I want to be a baby again_ **

 

**_ I want to forget  
_ **

 

**_I want to be a baby again_ **

 

 

 

 

**_I want pure thoughts in my head_ **

 

 

 

 

**_I want to be a baby again_ **

 

**_I want to forget_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Everyone I love is gonna die_

 

_And I will die as well_

 

_I think about this before I sleep_

 

_And have since I was a child_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Memento Mori**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	23. Learning To Hate You As A Self Defence Mechanism (Reader x RK900)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Learning To Hate You As A Self Defence Mechanism by Flatsound
> 
> Such chill music  
> Depressing but chill  
> And I love it
> 
> ALSO  
> I CALL RK900 CONAN BECAUSE I CO N  
> N OT RI CH A R D,  
> GOT THAT, FUCKERS?!!???!

_You're on the phone_

_With someone who doesn't know_

_About your soul and how it_

_Can't be held by flesh and bone_

But will you really

Commit to them

This time.

 

Because I know you won't

When you left me last time.

 

_And I guess that's fine_

_I would never want you to_

_Stop your life_

But that's not my business.

You're fully capable

Of making decisions

Better than mine.

 

_But when I saw you both_

_With your shoulders touching_

_Sitting so close_

How was he more relevant

And deserving of love

Than me?

 

_I knew I'd hold on to this feeling_

_I'd hold on to anything at all_

_Was it my fault?_

Probably.

After all,

Everyone would blame me

Because I was weak,

Gullible,

Too willing.

 

_Because I easily confused you_

_For someone who would hold my hand_

But he just blinked

And got on with his day.

When my tears began to pour,

He had already left.

 

_When things got hard_

_When things got dark_

_Because **oh my god**_

_When they get dark_

**_They get so dark_ **

 

_You were always a shitty friend_

_And you would leave when I got sick_

**I'd** continue to come into work

Despite the burning pain,

Searing through **my** limbs,

Burning **my** chest,

Suffocating my lungs,

Aching **my** heart.

 

_You never called me on my birthday_

_I want to call you on your birthday_

Doesn't matter

If you aren't human:

You're human enough

To me.

To him.

And he hated androids.

Yet,

Somehow,

You were the one to win him over.

 

 

 

_So I'll hold on to this feeling_

 

_I'll hold on to this hate_

 

_For as long as I need_

 

_For it to help me_

 

And I know,

 

It's sad

 

That I'd even do this

 

To myself.

 

But,

 

I cherish the moments

 

We had

 

Together.

 

Old memories,

 

Good memories,

 

**Bad, bad, bad memories**

 

Forever kept,

 

Well kept

 

In my mind.

 

 

 

Because,

 

Well. . .

 

I'm

 

 

~~**Learning to hate you as a self defence mechanism** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	24. Hikikomori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Hikikomori by Crywank
> 
> Istg  
> You better listen to them

_My Dad told me each love will be different_

~~**Lies** ~~

_My Dad told me each love will be good_

~~**Liar** ~~

_But my Dad's never had a broken heart_

Thanks for the confidence.

_'Cause my Dad's got my Mum_

  
_I'm too scared to fall in love again_

_I'll just focus on my family, my art, and my friends_

_I'm too scared to fall in love again_

_I'll just focus on anything else_

I just hope that someday

People will be impressed by me.

  
_I want to be academic, confident, and romantic_

~~**Overachievers** ~~

_But I just feel weird and overdramatic_

~~**Underachieving** ~~

_Daily reminders that I am pathetic_

~~**Deities** ~~

_When you're surrounded by it, it's hard to forget it_

~~**Messiahs** ~~

_I see your straight faces in the magazines_

~~**Martyrs** ~~

_The ones I used to read when I was thirteen_

~~**Madmen** ~~

_Now I can't sleep from all these flashbacks_

~~**Hecklers** ~~

_Caravans and guys in bands and polystyrene hands_

  
_Everything I had, I seem to have lost_

Where were you?

_And everyone who loved me seems to have forgot_

Then where was I?

_Everything I want seems so far away_

Who were you?

_I'll just stay in bed for another day_

Then who was I?

_Hikikomori_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~**_Hikikomori_ ** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	25. His Heart's On His Sleeve (Connor x Elijah Kamski)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is unfinished.  
> I refuse to finish this.  
> I made it a project for months  
> But I just can't.  
> I know,  
> I'm pathetic.  
> I feel sick posting this but I've had this draft saved for far too fucking long and I am not holding anything back from y'all.  
> So here you all are.
> 
> S M U T
> 
> S M U T
> 
> S M U T
> 
> it's uh  
> rape
> 
> not trying to lie to anyone, it's rape.  
> I'm not going to go on a rant about how it's not serious rape because rape is rape.  
> Doesn't matter if it's a "bad" case or not so "serious".  
> Rape is rape and it's a fucking crime.  
> I wrote this back in September because I felt fucking sick of how I wrote.  
> My writing was like a joke to me,  
> It didn't hold that weight like full descriptive pieces.  
> I remember the days I'd easily write over 6,000 characters every chapter back in the days I was young, naive, happy to show off my writing to others.  
> This is where I've come to  
> And I'm not going to hide anything from anyone.

The air in the room stood still for a while. A while too long for Elijah. As a human, his patience ran thin, while an android could simply sit around for ages, awaiting their next command. But Mr Kamski was not a man who would sit and wait for his opportunities. They wouldn't always come to him.

 

**But it seems his next meal had arrived.**

 

Poor Connor, so naive. Coming to see Mr Kamski on a whim? How foolish. But, his mechanical, systematic brain had. . . a less-so thought out plan. Plan. He called it that but. . . it didn't seem like a plan. It felt like. . . a desire. An urge that lead him to the front door of the estate. He knocked once. He knocked twice. A pregnant pause hung silently in the air as he waited, waited for a face to appear behind the opening door. But. No.

A blonde android greeted him, holding open the door as he stepped in, eyes scanning the room, "Mr Kamski will call for you soon. Please wait here." she signified, motioning towards a well-cushioned chair. He nodded before strolling over and taking a seat, watching as the android left through a door. He was alone now.

Exhaling, not as if he needed to, he stood up, sauntering towards a painting. Connor hummed, eyes drifting over the image, "Mr Kamski sure has changed since the last time I saw him." he muttered before his eyes studied the rest of the room. The woman then came back in, "Mr Kamski will see you now." she announced, allowing Connor to follow behind her through the door. The pool of red was ever prominent, Connor mindlessly following behind Chloe, her gaze fixed forward, glancing back seamlessly at Connor from-time-to-time.

He stood, gazing out of the window, a blank, unreadable expression upon his features as he raised a glass to his lips, taking a drawn-out, unnecessary sip. "Mr Kamski." "Connor." they both addressed, noting the elephant in the room, "Why have you returned?" Elijah scrutinised Connor's figure closely, examining his every movement and fidget. "I have a. . . matter. . . to discuss with you, S- Sir Kamski." the android stammered, eyes fleeting to the side, avoiding the man's stare. Elijah looked askance, “Well, 'Sir' Kamski is all ears.” his lips tugged up into a vague smirk, eyes inspecting Connor further. From his hair to his shoes, everything seemed in order. Too in order.

 

**He'll have to change that.**

 

"I-I came by to-" come on, Connor. Full sentences. "It's about. RK900. . . and RK1000. . ." his tone became hushed, a weakness wavering between his words. Elijah was quick to pick up on it, a knowing smirk forming on his lips, "What about them?" He almost purred, the underlying intonation of his voice dangerously low, his gaze hard, intimidating, the stare of a predator burnt Connor's synthetic skin, his form faltering as he winced, stepping back, "W-Why are they still here? Why am I-I still here?" he whimpered the last line, head dipping as his eyes fell to the floor.

Elijah found this all too amusing as he leaned in closer to the android, his figure almost shadowing the frightened plastic vessel, "Why are they still here?" he breathed, the words barely being picked up, Connor's eyes travelling up Elijah's physique, hands still, stuck to his sides, "We have finally accepted androids as a species, Connor. They live amongst us. We won't deactivate them like old toys anymore - we allow them to live out their lives to the fullest. While they could live on forever, we only find it fair that they deserve to rest like a human would after passing." Connor played coy, "But if you're of most sentimental value and they're willing to pay: we'll allow them to have extended lives so long as the family pays for more biocomponents to keep the android alive." he continued to explain as Connor kept fidgeting with his hands, legs shifting from side to side with unease.

With a falsely-reassuring smile, Elijah gripped Connor's wrist, twisting it lightly and gesturing for him to follow, "We'll discuss these matters more. . . **privately.** " Connor's eyes reflected back only fear but behind those glassy orbs, he harboured the feelings of curiosity and want. So.

 

**He followed.**

 

It was not like he had a choice. His wrist had been grasped by his maker and he did come to his house with no warning in advance so he had no reason but to listen and obey. Like the good non-deviant he was. **He was**.

Connor was unfamiliar with the room he was in. It smelt fresh, forgiving. Like pine. Subtle but pleasing to the senses. He had barely a few seconds of peace before a dark sheet of fabric shrouded his view, blocking out all light. Connor tensed up, writhing as he felt a frame press up against his back, restraining his arms and caressing his cheek, lulling him into a sense of fake security, "Shh, Connor, Connor, it's me, Elijah, I'm still here, remember? I won't hurt you, I just need you to trust me and simply cooperate." he rasped into the unsettled android's ear, giving him a **gentle** shove forward, the deviated machine stumbling and failing to keep his balance as he tripped onward, landing on a soft surface that mitigated his fall. A shallow groan escaped Connor's lips as he wearily pushed himself up, attempting to sit upright, "S-Sir Kamski, w-what is the purpose b-behind your actions?" he questioned apprehensively, fingers brushing along the feather-packed sheets that lay upon the bed he had been so brashly pushed onto.

A solemn chuckle resonated from Elijah's parted lips, his hot breath nearing Connor's panicked face. The alarmed android leaned back in timidity, lips curled in a distressed frown as they trembled, "P-Please, I-I don't know w-what's going o-on." he squeaked out feebly, Elijah bringing his arms to pin down his shaking figure at either side, "Don't play dumb. I know what you've experienced, what you've seen, what you've learnt." he simpered, eyes surveying Connor's face, "Don't act as if you learnt nothing from that case at the Eden Club." he sniggered, bringing himself nearer till he could feel the android properly quivering beneath him.

The weight of the man on top of him caused him to shudder out of sheer unnerving, pent-up dread. This did not go unnoticed by Elijah however, as he sunk lower, lips hovering just above Connor's. He grinned to himself, permitting his tongue to run along the vessel's bottom lip. The heavenly feeling of the artificial flesh left him desiring **more** . He just **needed** the feeling of an endured being.

Hungrily, he connected his lips to the android's, the sensation of his lubricated mouth, the fluidity of it all was **addicting**. His tongue traversed the new territory, relishing the experience. Connor squirmed uncomfortably, his actions diminished to knee-jerks and occasional mewls as he struggled under the weight of Elijah. His assertive demeanour flourishing within his oral chasm as he felt no need to fight back anymore, arms growing limp and legs becoming numb.

This only encouraged Elijah, the insatiable lust that pooled in his eyes swirled, raging like a storm as he removed his arms from Connor's sides, "For a robot, I'm impressed." he spoke, tired and moderately winded, eyes analysing Connor's torso. He smiled with deadly intent.

"Connor." he received a frail whimper in response, feeling the android's frame recoil, "Lift your arms above your head for me." he requested nonchalantly, watching as the machine hesitantly moved his arms upward to rest above him. Elijah then proceeded to strip him of his jacket, throwing it aside and unravelling his tie that he loved to excessively re-adjust for no reason. His fingers dancing around the buttons of his blouse before he recklessly tore it off, the snapping of thread reverberating throughout Connor's being, his body tensing up as his bare torso became exposed and vulnerable.

Elijah ran his fingers down the centre of Connor's chest teasingly, the authentic but muscular thickness to his flesh satisfying. A swift flick of the tongue and he was mush. What had even driven Elijah to this point? Liquid courage? Whatever it was, he felt in control. And he **adored** it.

The blindfolded android beneath him quaked, lips parted in a faint scowl, airy grunts leaving in trails from his throat. He detested how weak he felt: he had no leverage in this situation. He had the strength but his deviation made him fragile. He knew Elijah. He was scheming; he was dangerous. He was intoxicating. And god, did he hate it.

He felt defenceless. He couldn't even see what was happening due to the fact he was blindfolded - it was humiliating. Why did he listen to them. Why the fuck did he allow those voices to hinder his already thwarted plans. Connor's breath hitched as he felt a pressure upon his lower regions. A clinking of metal. The sound of rough fabric being slid against each other.

He was left in bewilderment until he felt his hips be alleviated of some weight. Then the shuffling of. . . something. He could only pinpoint it once he felt the cold air of the ventilated room envelop his legs. He could only imagine the shit-eating grin upon Elijah's face.

And indeed, the man was in awe, longing for the experience of this very moment. Elijah brought his mouth near Connor's tip, allowing his warm breath to graze across the android's length before he drew his tongue across the soft, tender flesh.

Connor convulsed, his components aching as he let out another shaky breath, arms ailing. He knew this feeling. The uncomfortable stiffness between his legs. But this was a whole different ordeal.

A surprised yelp left Connor's throat as he felt a certain dampness upon his pelvic area. A low rumble caused him to jerk, another shocked noise leaving him, the heat in his cheeks felt like he was being burnt alive. His fingers gripped the sheets needily, the persisting motions below rendering him powerless.

"K-Kamski, s-sir!" he whimpered, the only response he obtained was a lowly drone, which derived a grunt from Connor. He wasn't designed for this. He wasn't designed for this. _He wasn't designed for this._ **_He was_** ** _n't_** ** _designed for this._** These thoughts clouded Connor's program, he was only lines of code covered by metal and plastic. He couldn't truly feel. That's what he was lead to believe. But a tingling sensation coursed through him. And somehow, he didn't care as much anymore.

 

 

 

**Am I a living being? Or just a machine. . .?**

Hank. . . I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I miss you. I miss you so much.

**Lieutenant Anderson. . . I was. . . proud to serve beside you.**

All those times I was replaced by a new model.

**The day you let me fall to my death.**

When you shot me at the bridge.

**I sacrificed my life for you.**

But you left this world.

**After all of that.**

You left me.

**Alone.**

 

 

 

Elijah wrapped his lips around the android's member, a smug grin spreading across his face as he took in the whole appendage, tongue leisurely lapping over the hardening shaft. Connor flinched multiple times as this happened: Elijah was deliberately slow; unhurried as he allowed himself to solely admire his own creation. The authenticity of this artificial machine. Created by his own hands. His own ideas.

 

**Ecstasy**

 

Such an unruly thought when you're sucking off an android that can't truly feel anything. He's only emulating it. He's faking it so you can find a singular drop of enjoyment from this. Elijah blinked, twirling his tongue around the appendage as he lowered quickly, inhaling needily through his nose, the softness of the so-called "flesh" bringing satisfaction as he elicited a groan from Connor, his head reeling as Elijah's smile widened, proceeding to rub the base of the cock, feeling the android tense up beneath him.

**Inhale**

In.

**Exhale**

Out.

**Just breathe**

Connor twitched, how long had it been? Numbers flashed in his view: 5:38PM. He had arrived at 3:29PM, expecting to see Kamski at 3:45PM, the "meeting" presumably lasting 30 minutes and no longer. But how wrong he was. Oh, how so wrong. Connor cringed as he felt a sore sensation coursing throughout his lower regions. He let out a shuddering breath, whining as Elijah engulfed his length fully, putting pressure upon his member by pressing his tongue against it firmly. Connor tried to occupy his thoughts with more innocent things, trying to take the attention off the feeling but it all felt too-

Connor's programming blanked for a moment before his components began to quiver, whirring with pent-up energy. He heaved upwards, upper body sitting upright as he brought his hands up to remove the blindfold. Elijah's eyes drifted upwards, faintly frowning as he grunted, lifting his mouth off of the machine's member, eyes piercing daggers at the shaking figure, a raspy, trembling voice entreating, "P-Please. . . m-more-" he squeaked, hand weakly covering his panting mouth, "I-I. . . I want. . . m-more." Elijah opened his lips to utter something but he was taken aback as Connor beseeched, "J-Just. . . use me!" he exhaled fervently as Elijah guided his hands to his thighs, halting them there before lifting himself up to Connor's face, connecting their lips in for a nourishing kiss, the sense breeding new feelings within the android's system as he pushed back into the kiss, leaving both the men reeling, a giddy excitement etched upon Connor's face.

Promptly, Elijah clambered on top of Connor, they were relatively the same height so Elijah's face looked directly down upon the android's, the look of exigency that stared back at him was enfeebling, enervating him to the point he could tell the hunk of plastic was getting satisfaction out of knowing he'd made Mr Elijah Kamski feel weak and diminished from a single look. **The bastard.**

Briskly, Elijah loosened his belt, tugging it off as he untucked his shirt, throwing it off as he shimmied out of his trousers, Connor's insides churning as he kept his gaze locked on the man above.

 

**Notice:**

I apologise I couldn't finish this. I mean, I could but my will-power is like -43 so haha no. And I highly doubt y'all wanna read more of this bullshit I tried to pull off in September. Like. How high was I? Anyway, I'm never finishing this and I hope this burns. Good day to you all.

I did proofread this before I saved this to docs. Apparently I last edited it on 6th of December. I made sure to get rid of all typos and bad tense placement. Feel free to leave criticism and comments on whether I spelt something wrong or my punctuation is whack. I know it is.

I did really want to get this done but ya know, this bitch fucking edgy and depressed yeehaw so depression was just like, "Nah, bitch, procrastinate." and I listened and I don't feel bad because I did what was best for me and my sleep-deprived ass.

I also pulled an all-nighter while uploading this. The previous drabble was written at like fucken 8AM lmao. I should probably sleep but god I do not want to deal with a screechy family so I'm cherishing these rare quiet times.

I love y'all and hope you all have much better days than me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.
> 
> I hope you like me trying to do descriptive writing lmao
> 
> Sorry I was too much of a piece of shit to finish it haha, sorry.


	26. idontwannabeyouanymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read this from any character's perspective but I mostly wanted to write this from Chloe's POV which is why I'm using the pronouns she/her

_Don't be that way_

_Fall apart twice a day_

You'd think she was living a dream,

I mean,

She's an android,

Who the fuck cares what sort of life she's

Living?

 

_I just wish you could feel what you say_

_Show, never tell_

I mean,

Androids don't have opinions,

They can't anyway.

They shouldn't.

As if they'd have an opinion on themselves

Apart from their own programmed greetings.

 

_But I know you too well_

_Got a mood that you wish you could sell_

Just tell yourself how to feel,

It's not hard.

Fake it till ya feel it,

Ya know?

They'd tell me that all the time in school.

They'd tell me that all the time on social media.

They'd tell me.

That.

 

_If teardrops could be bottled_

_There'd be swimming pools filled by models_

Just live on without showing.

You don't have to tell them anything

As long as you keep doing your job

And pleasing the public.

Please them.

Then they won't worry about anything

Other than how you look

And come off to the public.

Their opinion is all that counts.

Stay on their side and you

Just might

Survive.

 

_Told "a tight dress is what makes you a whore"_

But that's their job,

Isn't it?

And yet

When they show it off

To you,

Surrendering every last

Drop

Of decency

And Dignity

Suddenly,

You're a whore.

 

**Sadists.**

 

_If "I love you" was a promise_

_Would you break it, if you're honest_

Throwing around the use of

Love.

You love yourself,

Huh?

Pity that.

No one truly means it.

It's outdated now.

Self-loathing is

The long-time

Trend,

Deary.

 

She doesn't love you.

She won't ever love you.

Until you make a change.

 

_Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before_

_I don't wanna be you anymore_

Anymore.

I wanted to be you once.

I thought so highly of you.

But now,

Maybe there's

Not just something wrong

With the holistic body,

But also the personality.

 

But you're not a human being,

You're just a machine. . .

A lonely vessel that they pieced together

Carelessly.

There's so many of you.

So many.

And yet,

You decided.

You decided

You don't want this blessed life

Anymore.

 

_Hands getting cold_

_Losing feeling is getting old_

Feeling numb is an

Outdated

Trend

Now, girl.

Try forgetting

Something else

About yourself,

Hmm?

 

_Was I made from a broken mold?_

Maybe I'm defective.

They're probably plotting

To get rid of me already.

This is what I wanted,

Though,

Right?

 

~~This isn't what I wanted~~

~~At all~~

 

_Hurt, I can't shake_

_We've made every mistake_

I gave myself so many chances

To make this right.

Yet,

At any chance,

I fuck it up.

I fall deeper into

This bullshit

I tried to escape

All those attempts

Long ago.

 

_Only you know the way that I break_

Everyone else

Could make up lies

And insults

To try and crack me open.

They'd open up crevices,

They'd make the draught

Stop.

But they'd never shatter

That glass

I was made so poorly

Out of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_[ [ [  I don't wanna be you_ **

 

 

 

 

**_I don't wanna be you_ **

 

 

 

 

**_I don't wanna be you. . ._ **

 

 

 

 

~~**_Anymore_ ** ~~ **_] ] ]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> Feel free to send me messages and talk to me, send me memes, bully me or send suggestions, I honestly just like having notifications.


	27. BOI OH BOI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JFC WHERE THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN

Okay so basically,

 

I'm a lazy piece of shit and randomly took a break from this story because I wanted to write my own. I still haven't gotten round to writing even the first chapter for the story I've had an idea of for months lmaooo

 

And uuuh. . . I've just been busy?? I guess. I have voice acting and other auditions to do, I'm currently busy doing rehearsals for a play I'm in and I'm working on animations, animatics, etc and they've been taking up hours of my day. Somedays I just constantly work on my animatics and do nothing else and now I've honestly just tired myself out.

 

My sleep is getting better and I feel better in the mornings when I wake up at 6AM and leave at 7:30AM asdfghj e  nd   m e

 

Don't worry, I'm still continuing this fic, I still love DBH and the memes. My chapters will not come out as frequently anymore because, as everyone does, I've lost that motivation and need to write for this work because I've finally told myself this isn't compulsory and I've got better things to focus on.

 

Yet again, I am starting my own story and I hope it will be coming out this year ^^

 

Love you all!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao end me
> 
> My discord is Ferxaniss #9431


	28. Liar, Liar, Our Trust Is On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel  
> yeah
> 
> I love Daniel.  
> And Connor needs to learn to love Daniel too.
> 
> Song is Drama by NoMBe

_Curtains open, you got your program_

_You know how the story goes_

If I were to tell you how we'd met

Would you believe me?

A gun to each other's heads,

Displacement of trust,

A child hostage

And a whole lot

Of yelling.

_I take 'em high, you take me home_

_Back to the fortress, with bats & warheads_

And I'd shot,

 **Shot** that petty officer down.

If that pretty little

Human pet wanted to keep

The child

Safe,

He'd stay far away from his

~~**Pal.** ~~

 

 ~~~~_If you got lost in what you saw_

_You should know that after all_

Why the fuck did I

Trust Him.

Ra9,

Why.

Why the fuck

Am I

So

Gullible.

Especially

For  **Him.**

 

 

_Ain't nothin' but drama, I'm just playing a part_

_When I'm feeling the spotlight, I see nothing but stars_

And I know

It's really stupid to

Feel anything.

I'm an android too,

No?

 

**No**

 

_Ain't tryin' to cause problems, when I stumble, I fall_

_Guess that's just drama, and I give it my all_

Who knew we could

Paint the pavements blue.

The walls blue.

The sheets blue.

The entire city splattered

With that vibrant

**Blue.**

 

_Ain't nothing but-_

_Ain't nothing but drama_

But it's real

Cheesy

How I'm now here,

Retelling the whole thing.

 

_Fame and fortune is for the moment_

_Kick the rye back like Patrón_

I did my job,

But apparently

That wasn't

Good enough

For them.

So they turned

To replacing me.

_I'm Oscar Wilde with lights & chrome_

_So get your toast in, here's to an old friend_

I had every right to

Be angry.

But why.

Why did I have to

H ~~ur~~ t

 ~~E~~ m ~~ma~~.

~~**Hurt Emma.** ~~

 

 ~~~~_And in the night, like Jaques Cousteau_

_I'll leave islands to come home_

 Home to your arms

And warm

Smiling faces.

 

I'm so glad to have

Found you.

 

**_Ain't nothin' but drama_ **

 

_Ain't nothin' but drama, I'm just playing a part_

_When I'm feeling the spotlight, I see nothing but stars_

I'm just another in

A long line

Of criminals you've

Pursued.

Just another in

A long line

Of men

You knew.

Oh yeah,

You did what

You wanted

To do.

 

Like all the boys before,

Another dream come

True.

 

_Ain't tryin' to cause problems, when I stumble, I fall_

_Guess that's just drama, and I give it my all_

It's a

Power Move

Although I'm

Not quite sure

What you're trying

To prove.

 

They all say

You've got low

Self-esteem

So,

Why're you looking

Like the cat

Who got the

Cream?

 

**_Ain't nothing but_ **

**_Ain't nothing but drama_ **

 

_Play the game although it's grungy_

_And the rules feel like Jumanji_

You had the pistol

In your hand

Yet you didn't

Even pull the trigger

When you had the

Chance.

_But once we embark then there ain't no stopping_

_That's the way daddy taught me_

And so I

Trusted you.

~~**Trusted you.** ~~

 

 ~~~~_It don't take too much to love me_

_But a chainsaw, trust and coffee_

I didn't look for much

In a person

But, lord,

You were meeting

These Heavenly

Expectations.

_As the spotlight burns, and mama, that hurts_

_I have faith there's more above me_

You were everything

I wanted

And more.

 

Cheesy,

Isn't it?

 

_Ain't nothin' but drama, I'm just playing a part_

_When I'm feeling the spotlight, I see nothing but stars_

But did you find

A better toy

In the form of

Markus?

_Ain't tryin' to cause problems, when I stumble, I fall_

_Guess that's just drama, and I give it my all_

I gave it

My all

And yet you

Still want more.

 

**Demanding**

 

**Oppressing**

 

**I'm not here to please**

 

What do you

Want from me.

I'm just a

PL600.

 

They didn't

Want me.

 

Now you're

Done with

Me too?

 

**What a**

**Damn pity**

**And I thought**

**You were better.**

 

**So much**

**Higher**

**Than those**

**Filthy beings**

**Who shoot our**

**Kind down just**

**To stop us**

**Having our rights.**

 

**But we're just**

**Machines, right?**

**We can't feel a thing.**

**Not for one another**

**Nor any human being.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Discord is Ferxaniss #9431
> 
> You get it by now


	30. Play God (Kamski x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is Play God by Sam Fender

_You were cracking all your fingers_

_With your eyes fixed to the floor_

Just give me a second of your time,

Just a millisecond,

Just let me tell you how I feel

A second.

_Sound it echoed down the street_

_By the monument, you hear_

But no,

He has no time for

Feelings.

_Man screaming through a megaphone_

_"Get your hands off the Middle East"_

No concern for the issues going on

Around him.

Keep your hands off me.

 

_And he will play God_

Maybe I shouldn't become

Accustomed

To this sort of

Lifestyle

But-

 

**And he will play God**

 

Maybe for one vulnerable night.

 

_It's all the same down in the capital_

_All the suits and clattered feet_

Everyone walks passed in a hurry,

This one there,

That one there,

Did I know them from somewhere?

How would I know:

I know nothing but cold,

White walls.

 

_Sewer rats will shower the underground_

_In a race to make ends meet_

The people scurrying passed,

Those synthetic pieces of

Plastic

Scrambling to meet demands.

 

 

 

_And he will play God_

 

_**And he will play God** _

 

 

 

But it wasn't my choice,

Was it?

To be created

Whether

Machine

Or

Human.

 

_Am I mistaken_

_Or are we breaking_

You've meddled

And played

With them for so,

So long

_Under weight from the long time_

_That he played God?_

That even when your

Reign

Was over,

We all still felt the

Effect

Of your

Destructive behaviour.

 

_Am I mistaken_

_Or are we breaking_

Your poisonous ideas

Manifested

And controlled their

Desires.

_Under weight from the long time_

_That he played God?_

And now it's harming us,

The ones you so wanted to

'Help'

With your creations.

 

But maybe this gives us a whole

New reason

To cleanse this earth.

 

**And he will play God  
**

 

_No matter who you are or where you've been_

_He is watching from the screen_

Big Brother is watching from

His telescreen.

Our every move he sees.

_Keeps a keen eye on the in-between_

_From the people to the Queen_

We thought you retired,

Quit.

Gave up this old schtick

Of being

Almighty.

 

 

 

_And he will **play God**_

_He will play **God**_

 

 

 

_Am I mistaken_

_Or are we breaking_

Just **fix it**.

_Under weight from the long time_

_That he played God?_

Just fucking FIX IT.

 

_Am I mistaken_

_Or are we breaking_

You left us astray

Unaware that you'd

Never bat an eye to

Our suffering

And problems.

 

_Under weight from the long time_

_That he played God?_

And now all you've done is

Give us more problems.

Thanks a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_And he will play God_

 

 

 

_And he will play God_

 

 

 

_And he will play God_

 

 

 

_And he will play God_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**God.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me on Discord 90% of the time. I'm ferxaniss #9431

**Author's Note:**

> Therapy in progress


End file.
